At Least Now I Know...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

I had a dinner with Kim tonight, at his house. It started off last week, when I was back from Lagos, I message him to invite for dinner, as I was sick of eating alone. He declined, he already has guest to entertained, but he extended the invite to me. I declined as I was looking forward for a homecooked meal, I was tired of eating other food, I wanted my food from my kitchen.

The thing that surprised me was, he countered offer, maybe we can have dinner at his place, well...I said yes almost instantaneously. Hahaha..So the date was today. He gets his nanny to cook something.

The dinner went well, we talked for a bit and I got to know more of him. And I think my earlier feelings for him was just an infatuation.  The more I get to know him, the more I realized we have different values. Forget the fact that he does not really believed in religion, we are different in even some of the basic values. But he's a nice guy to be friend with. I was glad that I took the offer. I can move on now.

The only problem that I have is, I am still puzzled as to why I am so cold hearted, it's hard for me to fall for someone, and to accept any person for who they are (in pursuing marriage concept). I simply can't.  I have serious trust issues.  I am heavily thinking of deleting my profile in both half our Deen and Muslim matrimony now. I have seen messages from few Nigerian brothers, no doubt I think they are good, but I could find it in my heart even to reply their messages. Something must be wrong with me.

Until I get that fixed, I'll remain status quo. As for Kim, we will be friends, he clearly doesn't have any feelings for me, what he did before was out of concern of a fellow colleague. Its good that I get the chance to confirm my feelings as well, so that I don't get carried away.

Marriage? If the time comes, the time comes, I think for now, I wouldn't sweat over it. I'll give myself until weekend, to delete all my profiles..hahaha.. Kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana kan..what's the point of me setting up profiles, if I knew I'll never trust all those online people.Allah knows best. Kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana, larilah sampai hujung dunia, kalau dah takdir, Allah akan temukan jugak, and by that time I would know without a doubt that we belong together, it's just that the time is not now...

Till next time, Wassalam..

Love - What, How?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

This is just too good that I could not wait to go back and do the translation myself, I will, but in case I forget, let me just post it here first.

An email a friend sent in 2009. She joined multiple muslim matrimony sites and stumbled upon a profile and this is what the guy said.

"Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. 

When you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. 

Realize how they could also love you back just as well. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). 

If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally. 

Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you, do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way. 

Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing."

At that time, I doubted my ability to love somebody else, and I think its still the same case now... gosh... I still haven't changed, have I?

Voy a España!!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

My leave has been approved and therefore, insyaAllah voy a España en Disiembre!!

Por lo tanto, voy a practicar mi español en este blog, a partir de hoy. Esto es usar el traductor de google, pero te prometo, a partir de mañana, voy a escribir por mi cuenta. Nos vemos más tarde España !!

Wassalam..

Secret Admirer?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

For the past few days, I have been strolling old emails to screen through any good job that I have done which worth mentioning in order to complete my technical assessment. And somehow or rather, I stumbled upon many many personal emails. I group my emails by date, not by topic, hence all work related and personal emails are in the same folder.

I realized I am not the same person, say 5-6 years back. I think I was better then. Somehow, I have declined, in terms or my inner peace. This morning I found this, forwarded by a friend 6 years back.

Secret Admirer?
Saya bertanya kepada emak, "mana satu pilihan hati, orang yang sayangkan kita atau yang kita sayang? "

Mak jawab, "dua-dua bukan.."

Saya tercengang..Mak mengukir senyuman.

"Pilihan hati mak adalah yang sayangkan kita kerana Allah.." Saya menarik nafas dalam-dalam.

"Macam mana nak tau orang tu sayang kita kerana apa?" Mak diam sekejap berfikir dan kemudian tersenyum.

Rasanya mak dapat menduga apa yang sedang bermain dalam hati anak perempuannya. Mana mungkin saya mampu menyorokkan rahsia hati dari mak sedangkan sekilas saya pun mak mampu membacanya. "Yang paling tahu hanya Allah.." mak merenung dalam-dalam wajah anaknya. "Kerana hanya Allah mampu membaca hati hambaNya.. " mak menyusun ayat-ayatnya. "Dan keikhlasan kerana Allah itu akan terserlah keberkatannya tanpa perlu sengaja ditonjokan oleh seseorang tu.."

Saya memintas, "Tak faham.."

Mak menyambung "Cinta di dalam jalan Allah.. Bertemu kerana sama-sama mencari redha Allah.." Mak menyambung lagi, "begini, setiap insan yang bergelar manusia telah Allah ciptakan berpasang-pasangan. Rasa ingin dikasihi antara seorang suami dan isteri suatu fitrah. Automatik boleh ada daya tarikan magnet tu.." Wajah saya merah, sedikit cemas jika mak dapat mengesan gelora jiwa muda ini.. Mak menyambung "Setiap manusia telah Allah tetapkan rezeki,jodoh dan maut sejak azali lagi..Persoalannya ialah.. Siapakah jodohnya itu?" mak berhenti seketika. Saya tunduk malu, cuba menyorokkan rasa panas di pipi. Emak buat-buat tidak nampak.

Secret Admire

"Kakak, mak dulu masa besar ada secret admire.. Rajin betul dia hantar surat..Masa tu mak dah tahu yang bercinta sebelum kahwin ni tak halal..Dan masa tu mak tekad tak mahu layan sebab mak takut arwah tokwan kena seksa dalam kubur.. Mak sedar mak anak yatim, anak orang miskin, adik beradik ramai.. Mak nak belajar sungguh-sungguh.. Lama budak tu tunggu mak.. Akhirnya mak bagi kata putus, mak hanya akan membalas cinta dia jika dia sah suami mak.. Dan dia memang bukan jodoh mak, maka tak pernah dia menerima balasan cinta tu." Mak merenung jauh. Saya merapatkan badan kepada emak, semakin berminat dengan kisah lama mak..

"Mak memang tak ada perasaan lansung pada dia ke?" saya menyoal sambil memandang tajam wajah mak. Emak ketawa kecil. "Walaupun mungkin ada, mak tak pernah bagi peluang pada diri mak untuk mengisytiharkan perasaan tu.. Mak takut pada Allah. Mak bukan seperti rakan sebaya mak yang lain.. Mak, seperti kakak.." mak memandang saya sambil memegang pipi dan dagu saya. Kemudian tangannya mengusap rambut di kepala saya.

"Mak anak ustaz ustazah.. Tapi zaman tu ustaz ustazah nya masih berkebaya pendek dan ketat. Tok wan mak kiyai. Mungkin berkat doa keturunan sebelum ni yang soleh-soleh, hati mak tertarik sangat pada agama walaupun tiada sesiapa yang mendorong.. Bila di sekolah, mak pelajar pertama yang bertudung.. Mak membawa imej agama. Kawan-kawan dan cikgu-cikgu panggil mak dengan gelaran mak Aji.. Sebab zaman tu hujung 70an dan awal 80an tak ramai lagi yang bertudung betul menutup auratnya..Zaman tudung nipis dan nampak jambul. Kemudian kawan-kawan mak sikit-sikit ikut bertudung. Akhirnya kami semua dipanggil di perhimpunan. Kami dimarah guru besar kerana bertudung sedangkan ustazah kami bertudung tapi nampak jambulnya.." emak melemparkan pandangan ke lantai. "Selepas tu ustazah jumpa kami secara persendirian. Ustazah kata dia tak mampu nak pakai seperti kami. Dia suruh kami teruskan.." sambung emak. Ada getar di hujung suara emak. Kisah silam perjuangan emak di sekolah dahulu sikit-sikit emak ceritakan pada saya. Itulah juga salah satu inspirasi kepada saya untuk bangkit semula setiap kali terjatuh ketika berjuang di sekolah dulu.

"Mungkin kerana personaliti mak, mak menjadi tempat rujukan kawan-kawan mak.. Jadi, bila mak nak ambil sesuatu tindakan, mak kena fikir betul-betul sama ada tindakan mak tu akan menyebabkan Allah marah atau tidak. Mak ayah berdosa tak? Dan maruah pembawa agama terjejas tak? Kalau mak membalas cinta si lelaki tadi, bermakna mak sedang menconteng arang di muka-muka pembawa-pembawa agama. Orang akan pandang serong terhadap orang yang bertudung sedangkan kesilapan tu hanya seorang dua yang buat. Besar fitnah akan timbul apabila orang-orang agama mengambil ringan batas syariat duhai anak.." mak menelan air liurnya. Saya diam. Fikiran saya sedang cuba memahami maksud mak saya.

Adakah ia suatu diskriminasi?

"Kakak.. Jatuh cinta perkara biasa. Apabila kita jatuh cinta pada seseorang, itu tandanya ada sesuatu keistimewaan pada seseorang tu. Apatah lagi orang yang kita jatuh cinta tu di atas jalan dakwah ni..Tetapi kita kena ingat.. Kita tak akan dikahwinkan dengan seseorang atas sebab jatuh cinta atau saling cinta mencintai.. Bercouple mungkin.. Tetapi bukan berkahwin.. Kerana kita berkahwin dengan jodoh kita, jodoh yang Allah dah tetapkan sejak azali.. Dan tak mustahil orang yang kita paling benci itulah jodoh kita yang kita akan dikahwinkan dengannya.." Tiba-tiba air mata saya mengalir. Argh! Ego saya kalah bila mendengar hujah emak. Emak meneruskan, "Allah itu Maha Adil.. Dia tak pernah menzalimi hambaNya..Sesungguhnya, yang selalu menzalimi hambaNya ialah diri hamba tu sendiri.. Sebabnyam hamba tu degil. Dia mahukan yang bukan haknya, yang bukan milik dia. Mencintai seseorang tidak semestinya memilikinya.

Dalam Islam, kita dah diajar untuk saling mencintai antara satu sama lain seperti diri sendiri.. Jadi apabila kita mencintai saudara perempuan, kita bebas peluk dia. Tetapi bila dengan lelaki, kita ada batas-batasnya. Orang kafir kata batas-batas ini suatu diskriminasi, tetapi sebenarnya batas-batas syariat itulah yang memelihara kehormatan seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan. Cuba kakak renungkan, kita mengenali seorang insan yang amat baik, sempurna agamanya dan rajin. Lalu kita jatuh hati padanya. Ditakdirkan jodohnya dengan insan lain, kita pula dengan yang lain.. Tetapi itu tidak bermakna ukhwah antara kita dan dia terputus.. Kita dan dia sama-sama mencari redha Allah.. Kita dan dia masih boleh sama-sama bekerjasama untuk mencari redha Allah.. Perbezaannya, dia halal untuk isterinya sedangkan untuk kita, dia tetap lelaki ajnabi seperti yang awalnya." emak berhenti seketika..

Bukan luar biasa

Tentu kering tekak emak menerangkan kepada saya persoalan hati ini. "Kakak.. jadi di sini mak nak kakak faham, jatuh cinta bukan perkara luar biasa.Dan berkahwin pun bukan suatu jaminan untuk tak jatuh cinta pada lelaki lain.. Kerana itulah ramai isteri yang curang, suami yang curang.. Ada orang tukar pasangan macam tukar baju. Apa yang penting ialah kita kena perjelaskan pada diri kita supaya setiap kali kita jatuh cinta, jatuh cinta itu kerana kita jatuh cinta kepada Pencipta dia. Kita bagi tau pada diri kita berulang kali yang kita mencintai Allah, kerana itu kita mencintai si dia. Letakkan Allah sebagai sempadan hati kita, segala perkara yang kita cintai dan sayangi termasuk mak abah adalah kerana mencintai Allah.. Dan apabila kita membenci seseorang atau sesuatu, beri tahu pada diri sendiri berulangkali yang kita benci sekian-sekian hal kerana Allah semata-mata.. "

"Kakak.. Hati kita ni walaupun dalam dada kita sendiri, ia tetap bukan milik kita. Kita tak mampu untuk mengawalnya.. Hanya Allah yang boleh memegangnya.. Sebab tu kita kena dekatkan diri dengan Allah.. Sebab kita nak dia pegang kukuh-kukuh hati kita. Bila dia pelihara dan masuk dalam hati kita, itulah nikmat lazatnnya bercinta. Masa tu biarpun satu dunia menyakiti kita, kita tak rasa sakit sebab kita asyik dengan nikmat bercinta dengan Allah..Bercinta dengan Allah sangat berbeza dari bercinta dengan manusia. Kerana tentulah pegalaman bercinta dengan lelaki kaya,rupawan, sempurna dan bijaksana tak sama rasanya bercinta dengan lelaki miskin, hodoh,cacat dan dungu.. Betapa nikmatnya cinta Allah, hanya mereka yang pernah merasai sahaja yang mampu mengerti. "

Redha

"Kakak.. Walau siapapun jodoh yang Allah hantarkan untuk kakak, terimalah dengan hati yang redha.. Tak mustahil dia adalah orang yang kita benci. Kalau yang kakak sayang, tak jadi hal lah.. Tapi kalau dapat yang kakak tak nak, lantaran kelemahan yang ada pada dia, ingatlah bahawa dalam diri setiap insan telah Allah ciptakan dengan kelebihan masing-masing. Dan mungkin kakak ada kekuatan yang dapat mengubah si lelaki tadi supaya hidup dia bermakna dan mungkin kakak sahaja yang mampu mencungkil kelebihan yang ada pada dia.. Mungkin juga si lelaki ini ada sesuatu kelebihan yang kakak sangat-sangat perlukan yang satu dunia tak mampu bagi pada kakak.. Alangkah bertuahnya kakak kalau kakak mengerti setiap pemberian Allah dan belajar untuk bersyukur.. " Sekali lagi berjuraian air mata saya turun. Terasa lemah lutut hendak berdiri.

Emak menarik tubuh saya dan memeluk erat. Pelukan emak sangat-sangat kuat. "Emak dah didik anak emak dari belum lahir untuk mencintai Allah.. Sekarang emak serahkan anak emak yang mak sayang sangat ni pada Allah untuk Dia pelihara.." Emak mengakhiri kata-katanya dengan suara sebak dan air mata yang mengalir ke bahu saya.

I need this now more than ever, thank you Allah, for guiding me back right this very moment when I am straying from your path.

Redha, regardless what is the end result, what I do now will be accounted for in the akhirat, as it is, I have countless bad deeds, is it worth to add more to it just because my heart says so? I don't think so.

Ish...!!

A: I went to choir practice last night, and when I came back I saw the whole area was dark
B: What choir is that?
A: Oh its just choir, there will be concert next week
B: Oh....
A: Its not like church choir or anything like that
B: *dumbfounded

B don't understand why A needs to explain or elaborate that its not a church thing. B feels like giving A a hug for that explanation, concern sangat B salah faham (really?). Hehehe...

Take Care Will Ya?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Last night was a bad night. I had dinner at ~6pm and everything was fine. While trying to finish the latest book that I bought, I kind of dozed off. Suddenly around 10pm, there was a surge of chills, the hair on my arms risen. I don't feel good. Within minutes, my stomach was growling, it feels like there's turbulent happening there.

Last time I had the same symptom was quite a few years back, I knew then there were too much gas and seriously it was not comfortable at all. I lied down for quite sometime, I did nothing, in hope that it will just eased up. But boy was I wrong. It got worse, now its going up to the head. I dragged myself to the kitchen. I had the maid cut off all the ginger a week back (a delayed attempt to make ginger candy). Took out some and boiled it.

I drank half glass of it, and instantly I knew what was coming. The whole dinner just eased themselves out to the toilet sink. It was disgusting, I was like in some kind of horror movie. I had probably a good 5 minutes of gagging at the toilet sink. I suspected not all came out. When things are better, I finished the ginger water, and tried to get some sleep. I tried to fill up my stomach, but to no avail. I was tossing and turning, halfheartedly hoping the remaining would come out so that I can get a good night sleep. It was excruciating. Well, I maybe exaggerating, but seriously even menstrual pain could not give me that kind of discomfort.

Tracing back, I think its the canned sardine that I ate that has caused me the whole episode. I can't remember when I cooked it. Living alone here, I have picked up a habit of storing the leftover in freezer, same case for the canned sardine. Its just that this time, I think I moved it to the fridge when I was going to London. We always have occasional power trip and my house are the few that always get impacted. It may be the case the power was lost and whatever inside the fridge started to go bad. The freezer, I am not so worried, that is because the remaining ice could still provide temporary chilling and only if we totally lost the power for 2, maybe 3 straight days, then only I have to start throwing everything away.

I have not told a single soul about this, wanted so much to tell somebody, but somehow the words just doesn't come out. I have became a very private person. I hate it that I don't have 'tempat mengadu.' I am not comfortable with anybody yet to a point I can call them in the middle of the night in case I have some problem. Or the person will be first to know these kind of things that happened to me. Darn, its so hard to build a relationship at this age, or maybe its just me? Whatever it is, for now I have to endure this on my own. I could not tell my mom, she'll freaked out, definitely, and that is not good. I only have Allah as 'tempat mengadu' and probably this blog..hahaha..

Hadith of the day:
Abu Hurairah also reports that Allah's Messenger, peace be upon him, said: "For every misfortune, illness, anxiety, grief, or hurt that afflicts a Muslim -even the hurt caused by the pricking of a thorn - Allah removes some of his sins." Ibn Mas'ud said: "I visited the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, while he had a fever. I exclaimed: 'O Messenger of Allah! You have a high fever! ' He said: 'My fever is as much as two among you [might have]. ' I asked: 'Is it because you have a double reward?' He replied: 'Yes, that is right. No Muslim is afflicted with any hurt, even if it is no more than the pricking of a thorn, but Allah wipes off his sins because of it and his sins fall away from him as leaves fall from a tree'."
Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 4: Sickness, Expiation of Sins

Hopefully last night's episode did expiates my more than Mount Everest sins. InsyaAllah.

Till next time, wassalam. 

Ada Apa Dengan Cinta - Mini Drama AADC 2014 (Love Life Line)

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

Pak Anton shared this with me, knowing about my craze on filem Indonesia :)

Gosh....kenangan lama, memory flashes back, not that I have these kind of 'cinta' to begin with, but this movie was such a turning point for movie goers in Malaysia and Indonesia both. Even my malay guy friends were crazy of this movie.

The best part is, the commercial used the soundtrack from the original movie in 2002. I super love Melly's music. Sangat melancholic gitu...

Just got back from my London trip, second time for this year, who would have thought kan...? hahaha.. Still in postpartum depression mood. Banyakla post partum, beranak pon tidak.. Holiday withdrawal syndrome to be exact.. :D

Till next time, adios, wassalam... 

So sweet...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh..

I am at site now, this place is called Nembe Creek. As usual, as the site location provided accommodation due to its remote location.  And of course it's full lodging here, meaning food are provided as well.

I got in here around 3pm. I packed some food from IA. And since I am fasting today, I only ate at 6.20 pm.

At around 7.30, somebody called my room, it turns out the lady that is in charge of the mess called me asking why have I not taken my dinner.

I don't have the heart to say that I have eaten, since she sounded so sincere, and I asked if I can pack the food instead as I am still not feeling that hungry. She said thats ok. She even waited for me at the mess to make sure that I took my food. Aawww...so sweet.. First time people called back to the room to find out why I have not eaten.. In Gbaran and Bonny, they never really tracked people's meal..hehehe

Till next time, wassalam...

The First Time

The first time she saw him, the thought that crosses her mind was...
"Oh my,  that is so gay... Such a waste!". His ear rings and metrosexual looks gave it away.

He walked in, heading straight to the end of the room, talking to some guy sitting there. He didn't even saw her. She thought he was just a visitor, and that was it.

The first time she talked to him, was when both of them were waiting for the bus, just a casual chat saying good morning. That was when she found out that he was like her too, there to stay for a while.

The first time he asked her to do anything was when the bus is leaving the office, and he wanted to get a picture of the traffic police that is standing right in the middle of the road. He was not happy with the picture that she took though..hehehe..

The first time he made an effort to communicate with her, was during one of the get together session where she cooked something, and he didn't eat it. Many people did not ate what she cooked, but none says anything. He was kind enough to make a small talk with her, maybe trying to say that he will try it next time when she cooks anything else.

The first time he shared anything with her, was when they were out on the shopping trip, somehow the conversation turned personal and she found out he has sensitive skin, and that he's allergic to tree nuts. She took note.

She can't remember when was the first time he sat next to her in the bus, or when was the first time they had breakfast together, and she wished that she took note, as it might not happened again. But she clearly remembered when the first time she felt so relieved having someone to talk to when she was feeling really down. She will always remember that, as he became the shoulder that she cried on, though not literally, but at least something.

For now it's not history yet between him and her. She hoped for something more, but the feeling is not mutual. At least not yet...

You

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

You left today for two weeks, and then I will be leaving for another week. In total it will be three weeks. My doa for you, to be kept safe, I hope I will never ever get tired to ask from Allah for your hidayah.

It's an agonizing 3 weeks ahead, I know I'll survive, but days are not as bright though, without physically seeing you. Gosh, you are my biggest test from Allah so far. I hope I am strong enough to get through this test in the form of you.

Ya Allah, give me the strengths....

p/s: you might totally forget me in the next 3 weeks, and I might be the only fool missing you. Darn...

Rindu........!!!

As I was telling my colleague that I missed PD a lot, these emails were flying around..

From: Farhana SRCPD-DMA/433
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2014 10:13 AM
To: Azita A SPDC-UIO/G/SHMP; Sakina NS SDIUS-DMH/DFS
Subject: whats for dinner?

Assalamualaikum,

Semalam I made tuna spageti for dinner, konon western kannnn and then thought of you two kat perantauan, apa agaknya korang makan eh for dinner J

How are u girls? Ramai kawan dah di sana? Your house/apartment cantikkkk sangat :D semoga sentiasa dirahmati Allah di sana….

Rindu you two J take good care ok.

Regards,

Farhana 

Environmental Technologist

Shell Refining Company (Federation of Malaya) Berhad

Batu 1, Jalan Pantai, 71000 Port Dickson, Negeri Sembilan

Fax: +6 06 647 2014 Softphone: +606 648 52 65

From: Azita A SPDC-UIO/G/SHMP
Sent: Friday, October 17, 2014 7:20 AM
To: Farhana SRCPD-DMA/433; Sakina NS SDIUS-DMH/DFS
Subject: RE: whats for dinner?

Waalaikumsalam warahmatullah….

Aaawwwww…..rasa cam nak nangis baca email ni tau.. J my dinner repertoire for now is pajeri nenas, ayam masak kicap, sup ayam, daging masak halia…hehehe.. rajin sgt masak sebab tak boleh tapau.

Nak buat mcm mana.. kalau tapau takat pizza ja boleh makan, memang x leh selalu la..hehehe..

Kawan…? Hhmmm.. PD gak best L sini mostly families, and single people pon mostly keep to ourselves most of the time, unless nak join mat saleh2 tu lepak kat bar…I am very much confined inside the house now.. alhamdulillah rumah cantik..hehehe..so tak la depress sangat dok terkurung dlm rumah..

Memang tiap2 hari masak la ni for dinner? Untungla rhemy…hehehe…

Rgds,

Azita

Process Safety Advisor

Waalaikumussalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh J

Terharu Farhana you teringatkan I here, missssssss you ladies sooooo much too! L Hopefully both of you are well in Malaysia and Nigeria J

Farhana, Remy might have told you this, but I baru je borak with him semalam via IM while he was having telecom with Houston J

For now, I am still kelam kabut settling down – adjusting to work, locking down renting an apartment and habis stressed out looking to buy/lease a car (sebab I am returning the car like next Thursday tapi sampai skrg tak jumpa kete nak beli/lease lagi)!

Work-wise:

Takat ni, all I do is read background standards/statisctics/info, practicing how to utilize Pivot Table in Excel to help on Data Analysis. But the one that tires the most me here is having to adjust to not moving around as much as when I was in the refinery (and I don’t even know if that’s a good or bad thing!). Here orang start kerja at 7 and balik at 5. I start at 7.45 balik 5.45 pun considered lambat already!

My colleagues (from different parts of the world) all remarked saying that I am brave to have driven 8 miles to work every day after I arrived, and do things on my own! They were worried I’ll get stressed up adjusting, but when they heard me – they said I sounded happy. Hahah.

P/S: I even scratched my rented car on the first day sebab tak biasa left hand side drive :P What’s funny is when I informed the Rental Company, they were like, “As long as it does not involve another car and you’re not bothered with the scratch, you can continue using the car – Shell paid for the insurance already anyway :P

Life wise:

Kawan wise:

Memang tak ramai, no lunch kaki yet except my Co Line Manager here if he IS here! (he works from home) L All on my floor are “oldies” (above 35 ish) – and Americans are a bit weird, they can ask you “How are you?” and just walk off without waiting for your answer. Like what my German Lady Line Manager said, “They will smile at you, because if they don’t they’ll lose their jobs.” – I.e., insincere. They eat lunch at their desks, and they all eat sandwiches je!

Lonely la here, at least for now. I met a Muslimah while praying at the surau last week – hari ni will catch with her, hopefully she’ll be my lunch buddy J Outside work, Asmaziah introduced me to 3 other single ladies – working in Hess, MIDA and SBM Offshore. I would kadang2 have dinner with them to borak.

Makan-wise:

I am getting sick of eating seafood and vege for lunch, so what I do is, I either skip lunch (if I malas turun to beli sandwich) or I bawak roti from home. Malam ada freedom nak cari makanan halal – so Asmaziah’s single lady friend sometimes ajak dinner at Middle Eastern/Indian/Malaysian/Indonesian restaurant (Sini kedai nama “Malaysian Mamak Restaurant” is not halal – they serve bak kut teh jugak if I am not mistaken L)

There is halal marts here, one of it that I went once is “Jerusalem Halal Market” – mostly middle eastern ingredients, but that’s OK. I cook more often now, senangnya Nasi Goreng – later when I move in to my apartment next Friday, I’ll load up my fridge more and start cooking more “complicated stuff” haha.

Everything else wise:

Barang2 sini all are subjected to tax (8.25%) PLUS you have to give Tips (10-15% of overall bill) when at restaurants/taxi/services. And cars + rented apartments WAJIB ada insurance. And everything goes by 12-13 months contract, if you back out you’ll get termination fee which is a bomb. Everything’s complicated here – that makes me miss Malaysia more, flawed or whatever.

And here, orang bawak kereta all sambil tengok GPS! It’s literally so difficult to adhere to the Life Saving Rules here, sebab org potong masuk your lane tetiba, and they are sooooo aggressive in the driving! (Even a hantu driver like me can say this, bayangkan je la!) :P

Kesimpulan:

Living abroad really really really makes the peribahasa, “hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik di negeri sendiri” very valid and justified. I just miss everything about Malaysia, flaws and all – its straightforwardness in most affairs, its not too modernize nature (meaning still ada pasar basah, and can afford to be sloppy hehe), the warmth of the people (we’re literally like family in SRC!), my family, and you guys of course!

P/S:

Panjang la pulak cerita ni kan :P Rindu sangat33333 all of you!

Regards,

Sakina

Best Regards,

Sakina 

Downstream HSSE Projects Advisor,

Functional Services Focus Delivery Group,

Shell Downstream Inc.,
One Shell Plaza,

910 Louisiana St,

Houston Texas 77002, United States of America

Softphone: +1 (713) 241-4827

Email: N.Jalaludin@shell.com

Smile

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh..

Its hard to predict somebody's mood first thing in the morning, especially if that somebody is someone you are fond off, but all doubts are cast away, once that person smile... :) Alhamdulillah..

Smile is a forgotten sunnah.

Here is a a story of the sahabah which I think many of us knew.

Whenever Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) saw the Prophet he would find his blessed face as bright as the full moon, and whenever he (peace be upon him) gazed upon Anas, he would smile. Every encounter was met with a smile which caused the heart of this great companion to be greatly affected – so much so that he felt that he was the most beloved to him. Naturally he wanted his thoughts confirmed, so he asked the Prophet as to who the most beloved person to him was. The Prophet replied “Abu Bakr.” Hoping that he would be the most adored to the Prophet after Abu Bakr, he repeated the question and to Anas’s surprise, it wasn’t him but instead Umar. From this simple act, the Prophet was able to make Anas think that he was the most beloved person to him. It was with these small but greatly effective gestures that did not take much effort that made the Prophet so beloved to all people of his time. In fact, Abdullah ibn Haarith (may Allah be pleased with him) said, “I did not see anyone who smiled more than the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him).”[1]

Smile is contagious, keep on smiling :)

http://www.islam21c.com/spirituality/242-smiling-the-forgotten-sunnah/

Wassalam

Of Scholars, Hijab and Arrogance

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Pardon me for the value-less post previously. It was spur of the moment. Having been here alone, there is not many outlet that I can share my feelings, so ya, pardon me for that :) I thought of deleting it, but hey, nobody reads this but me, and the fact that I was happy for that one particular moment, I think I should not delete it. Let it be a memory, and this blog will remind me later should I loose my mind, or my memory..hehehe..

Back to the actual things that I wanted to share today. These past few days, there has been some incidents that has made me a sad Muslim. I have been following few scholars from the West, reason being is that I think their delivery are more in tuned with my thinking style. I have nothing but high respect with the local Malaysian scholars, but sometimes, when they speak, they carry more of a Malay mindset rather than Islamic one, I would not delve into details, just saying that their style does not suite me. Ok, about the western scholars, I was shocked to see Br Yusha Evans sharing a link that states 10 reasons why people should not follow Imam Suhaib Webb. I went through the list, and all of the things mentioned paint a bad picture of Imam Suhaib.

I respect both men, Br Yusha for his quest of truth, and Imam Suhaib due to his vast knowledge of tafseer. Days apart, Imam Suhaib issued a statement to refute one of the item, and his reasoning seems valid. But what makes me sad is, these two gentleman are good scholars to begin with, and to let the dispute came out in the open, its just not right. I see points in both sides and I pray to Allah that both of them are protected from any further slander. To me, Br Yusha is like Umar al Khattab, he is stern in his words and action and he is not about to keep quiet if he sees something that is not right. I hope Allah soften his heart and clear whatever misunderstanding that he has with Imam Suhaib. It really makes me sad to see the cyber war that has been going on between these two camps.

Second is, a long time friend, she has reached a certain goal in life, and as a result, she decided to put on the hijab. As a friend we were definitely very happy. The thing is, she is now on holiday, and we see pictures of her slowly loosing the hijab. We started to raise question among our small circle of friends and I decided to message her privately. I just want to find out why and remind her she needs to look inside, find out why she put on the hijab in the first place. Maybe the way I asked the questions intimidate her, she quickly became defensive. And for her to say that I woulds not understand how difficult it is for her to put on the hijab, it makes me even more sad. We all have challenges in being a good Muslim, it might not be about hijab, there are a lot of other things and temptations that is ever willing to drive away from the straight path.

She was mentioning, the more people push, the more she won't do it, as if telling me to shut my mouth and she has the right to do whatever she wants. Its sad, really, it really is. I asked her to seek the strength from Allah SWT. We face challenges day in and day out. We fall and get back on track most of the time, but we should never close a door for somebody that is trying to remind us. Maybe I am reading too much into this. I don't know. I have said my piece, its up to her how she wants to take it. I pray the best for her, and if the question of hijab is so sensitive to her such that she does not want any reminder at all, so be it. I know she will come to her senses, and I hope its not too late then. We never know when our time is due in this world.

I had a chat with a non Muslim last few days. He was born a Christian, but according to him, he and his family were not really practicing it, and he was amazed at me and another Muslim that has been fully observing what Islam requires us to do. The conversation went on, and somehow I mentioned to him that Islam consider everybody are born as Muslim, but the way they were brought up makes them a non-Muslim, as we should call them, the not yet Muslim. So when the not yet Muslim returned to Islam, we called them revert, instead of convert. His reaction to this idea took me by surprised. He said, that is an arrogant statement, are you saying that you are right, everybody else is wrong, they just don't know it yet? I was dumbfounded, when he put it that way, it does sound arrogant. But that was not what I meant, shoot, I said the right things, but he took it the wrong way, maybe its because of the way I said it. Allahu akbar..... I need to read more, I need to correct his perception, and in order for me to do that, I have to be well equipped. May Allah make it easy for me.

Till next time, (bila nak update pasai kebun ni..hehehe...)
Wassalam.

You

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh..

You, thank you for eating my cupcake.
Thank you for agreeing to be my guinea pig for the next 3 years InsyaAllah.
Thank you for giving me the chance to do that to you.
Thank you for not asking why when I asked you to become the victim of my experiments.

Thank you, I appreciate it when you say you'll look forward to the next experiment. That just made my day. Thank you so much :)

Wassalam.

The worst place to work

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I came from a  company called Shell Refining Company in Port Dickson, we are in the downstream business. For the past 5 years, downstream business were under scrutiny due to depleting resources and many other constraints. The company tried to promote the motto "A good place to work" in order to keep the morale high. Though we may not enjoy the benefit as much as the people in Upstream, we enjoy the company nonetheless. Bonus were not that high, cost being slashed, forget about the additional benefits that the Upstream colleague enjoyed, we never get to experience that. Travel is restricted, and most of the trainings are in house. But because of the people, we enjoyed our work, we cherished the camaraderie, we helped each other, and somehow despite the lack of resources, we can always count on each other. We went through the thick and thin of the industry when the crude price record an all time high and we were being penalized for the slightest glitch possible.

Now, I am here, an Upstream company, you can say that I am enjoying all the monetary benefits, but honestly if I can come up with a motto, this particular company, SPDC, based on the people's attitude, can be called "The Worst Place to Work". Its a big organization, and as a friend said, these kind of set up leads to inefficiency, very true. One project involved soooo many people, but still the work was far from perfect. Common issue that I found here:

1. Meetings NEVER start on time. (Well maybe once for the past 8 months that I am here)
2. People have commitment to stay put in a session until the end. A workshop, may start at 8am, they will come at 9am and by 11am they will be going out again, saying they have something else to attend, and that is the last of seeing them, and yet, they claimed that they are involved in the project.
3. They have serious commitment issue, no MOM with action party has ever been circulated. Nobody takes responsibility, but many would claim they have done this and that. To me that is b*llsh*t.
4. They also have compliance issue, few times we get request to do work that is meant to retrofit a certain design that does not meet the standard, helloo.....there is design basis in DEP, use it, you did not even use DEP , now you are asking us to do all sorts of things to cover your ass. There is specific project guideline, with proper Technical Assurance sign off to make sure all are in compliance, but how come it gets to this stage? What is this Technical Assurance doing? His signature is all over, the documents, which clearly does not meet the standards. WTH??
5. The people will only commit to meetings if it is being held in hotels, then you'll get people that was not involved in the work, attending it full time. WOWW!!
6. Every meeting that dragged on to lunch time, no lunch would be provided. I was told each employee were given pocket money for lunch, and yet the complaint about the meeting that does not serve lunch, once the topic is opened, they can drag on discussing (complaining) about it for a good 30 minutes.

Seriously, if its not about the money, I don't think anybody (non-Nigerian) would stand working here. I am here for the experience, in terms of work scope, I am learning a lot. But I think I learn more of how to control my anger here. SERIOUSLY.

Life in the RA on the other hand, is a bliss. So that is the main trade off. 

Guess this update comes much earlier than anticipated....huhuhu...next one will definitely be about garden, till then, Wassalam. :)

Belated Hari Raya in Port Harcourt

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

As usual, I will try to have a small makan-makan to celebrate friends for Raya. This year, though its now way past Syawal, I still want to make it happened, plus the fact that I have just moved into the house, makes it a double celebration!! :)

The menu is simple, rendang ayam, lontong (with instant nasi himpit that I brought in my container) and various kuih raya. I did made Puding Jagung, but it does not turned out the way I want it. However, there is one kuih that I introduced to the Port Harcourt community, buah melaka, and its a hit!! :)

No pictures of the food though as I was rushing back and forth and I was practically everywhere.

Here are some of the pictures of my guests.

Latha and Theresa

More ladies :)

The guest that preferred the other side of the couch

Andrea, Rafael , Robert

That's it for now, next update maybe on my garden, insyaAllah :)
Wassalam.

Itaú - Mostra tua força Brasil (Clipe Oficial)

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...



We came back from Brasil on the 7th of July, straight into the fasting month, and the I went back to Malaysia for raya. Hence, I did not really have the chance to sit down and share much about Brasil. Well, let me start with this one. Itau is one of the main sponsor for the Brazil FIFA World Cup 2014. This commercial has been on loop all throughout the TV stations, and we like it very much, to a point p cari kat YouTube and singing along with it.

The tempo is uplifting, I would vote this to be the official world cup theme song, hundreds thousands of times over that ridiculous Pitbull song. :)

I'll update more later, till then wassalam.. :)

I'm Home!!

Assalamulaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

Alhamdulillah, I am no longer homeless..hehehe.. After almost 8 months staying in the guest house (well, tolak maybe close to two months of accumulated leave travelling all over), I have finally moved in.

This the picture before I moved in.

Some pictures in the course of moving...

These two gentlemen helped me assemble some of the small stuffs, the big ones were put together by the packers.

Since both of them did such a great job, I decided to cook some authentic Malay food for them. :)

Jogo de americano (place mat) comes all the way from Brazil.

Pajeri Nenas

Ayam Goreng ala Nyonya

Landon and Wai Kiong

Me and Landon

I am fully settled, I guess..hehehe.... This Saturday, I am having a belated Hari Raya do for the people that is still remaining in RA. They left when the summer starts, but with the Ebola outbreak, only staffs returned back for work, the families are all not returning. Until when, we don't know. Even the school is not re-opened yet. Tentatively they are looking at mid October to resume the school session, but if there is new outbreak, or more fatalities, it will definitely be delayed.

We'll see. As for us in the RA, chances of getting is quite low as we are not directly exposed. Anyhoo, I'll update more. Till then, wassalam. 

Kim episode 3

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, 

So today it's all about you. Just I was remembering you during lunch time, I met  you again coming back from work. You sat beside me :)

We catched up on daily things and I could not stop smiling. Just seeing and talking to you makes me happy. I hope I can do more, but I dont have the courage. I am scared to say all the wrong things to you, scared that you might take it the wrong way. I am scared that it would be awkward between us.

I like the way things are right now though deep inside I want something more. Ya Allah,  give me the strength ya Allah, to pull Kim to Islam.

I still remember your remarks at Rob's house when my phone solat apps rang the azan for maghrib, your comment was, "It's nice to have that kind of reminder". I really appreciate that Kim.

I wish one day I would have the courage to tell you that I want to go to jannah with you. I really do. May Allah grant my wish. Ameen...

Kim - Episode 2

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

Kim, you did it again and again. It's hard to find someone like you. You care for my religion, when approaching Ramadan, you care about me not moving into my house. When I was denied to go on a chopper due to my hijab, you care.

Yesterday, I was excusing myself, I wanted to go back to pray maghrib after the fun run, you proposed me to pray in the library, and asked me to stay for dinner. I did that with Rob, and he just let me leave, but you Kim, made an effort to ask me stay. Deep in my heart, I was kind of hoping that you did.. :) alhamdulillah.

Kim, I ask for Allah to give you hidayah, I ask Allah to give me a way to get you to know more about Islam. Ya Allah, please grant your tawfiq and hidayah to Kim. Ameen...

Los Reyes Han Caído - The Kings Has Fallen....

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh....

It was tough getting up this morning, as tough as going to bed when the Netherlands trashed Spain 5-1. Its just hard, I am sad, very sad indeed. To see them humiliated, almost decapitated, its just painful. I never knew I can feel this sad for a nation that is not even mine. Guess the feeling is too strong now. I don't know what went wrong, maybe its ageing factor, maybe the rest of the world has figured out how to counter the tiki-taka and maybe their fighting spirit is not there anymore.

Bottom line, they are done for this year. Period.

No more Casillas, no more Iniesta, no more Alonso, no more Ramos, nada mas... :(

Portugals fate are not looking good either..... not this time, just not this time.....

Kisah Sedih di Rantau Orang

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

Apa yang sedihnya? Tak lain dan tak bukan, hal rumah. Geram sangat, marah ni kalau nampak kat termometer, mungkin dah lebih dari takat didih. Bayangkan sampai sekarang, satu habuk apa pon diorang tak buat lagi kat rumah tu. Rumah tu available in April. Even before previous occupant left, I have given the renovation/repair scope of work to the real estate people. Since its an old house, and last renovated easily more than 7 years ago, the condition is not so good, its not that bad, but its not good either.

So there I was being proactive, orang tak keluaq rumah lagi, aku dah p check what are the things to be repaired. Alhamdulillah, the previous occupant tu baik, siap jemput masuk, tunjuk mana yang patut repair, mana yang kena touch up, kira senang cerita la. Yang orang real estate ni, dah dapat scope tu, depa buat dono ja. The moment the previous occupant left, I approached them, pastu depa assigned contractor to come and look at the house to finalize the scope. (The scope that I submitted earlier meant nothing to them). Fine!!

Lepas contractor tu amik measurement and everything, the real estate people buat senyap....OK, kita ni pon p la follow up. Jawapan yang dia bagi waktu tu "Contractor will be mobilize next Monday'. Tunggu punya tunggu, come Monday, nothing happened. Its already end May, kalau hangpa mendidih tak? Dari mid April sampai end May yillek, nothing, nada. Follow up lagi, and guess what....ayat sama keluaq lagi.....and true enough come Monday, nothing happen.

Pastu keluaq pulak cerita tak semua scope boleh buat, sebab they ran out of budget, what the.....!!! You make me wait for 2 months and now you say you only want to do minor work? Baik tak yah tunggu kan? Why does it took you more than 4 months to realize that the scope could not be implemented fully, sebab budget tak cukup? And why don't you tell me earlier, ni orang tanya baru terhegeh-hegeh nak bagitau.

Fine, scope reduced, tapi kerja tak start-start jugak. Last Friday, after my final follow up, same response jugak.......'contractor will mobilize next Monday'. Sah-sah dia copy paste ja email dia yang dulu tu. And the best part semalam, the Monday finally come, and Ya Allah I don't know what to say of them, memang satu kerja apa tak buat lagi...

Sakit hati punya pasal, I wrote an email to their boss, HR, copy my boss in, saying I want to lodge official complaint. In this part of the world, I don't know what good can the official complaint do. Kita kat Malaysia, baru kena tegoq ngan bos dah risau bukan main. Depa ni macam tak da consequence management. Macam curah ayaq ke daun keladi. I have low confidence that the boss would be of any help at all. I was close to calling his subordinate 'LIAR' for making all those empty promises. If indeed they have cost problem, TELL ME, and if they have problem with the contract/contractor, LET ME KNOW. Ini tak, p bagi janji palsu macam tu, bukan sekali, bukan 2 kali, 4 kali dok ulang ayat sama, sapa tak hangat!!

If you tell me we can only work on your house in December, fine, I will just shut up and live in the Guest House until December and won't bother you till then. Ini tak, dok janji tapi tak pernah tunai...letih oo ngan depa ni. Ingat kita budak kecik ka, tipu sikit kita happy. budak kecik pon tau kalau dok asyik kena tipu, depa tak percaya dah....

For now I may have to let go. Letih nak sakit hati lama-lama, follow up pon macam takda hasil. Amazing!! Silap hari bulan 4 tahun dok kat Guest House tu..sapa tau?


أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَنْ تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُمْ مَثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِنْ قَبْلِكُمْ ۖ مَسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاءُ وَالضَّرَّاءُ وَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ
Do you suppose that you shall enter paradise though there has not yet come to you the like of [what befell]those who went before you? Stress and distress befell them and they were convulsed until the apostle and the faithful who were with him said, ‘When will Allah’s help [come]?’ Look! Allah’s help is indeed near!
(Al-Baqarah : 214)

Mungkin diri ini dah jauh dari Allah, sebab tu urusan jadi sulit macam ni. Mungkin juga ini salah satu jalan ke syurga....Ya Allah, bagi aku kekuatan Ya Allah...

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/withthedivine/why-am-i-tested/

A Somewhat Strange Dinner

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

I just got back from a dinner. Last Friday, as soon as I got back to the room, the GM's wife called me, inviting me to their house for a dinner, she mentioned that another new joiner to the department, a fellow Malaysian, was invited as well.

It was a bit weird, I knew they have been having a get together with other new joiners, but I never got invited, which is fine by me. They are all mat saleh anyway. So why bother asking me a single Malaysian lady, who obviously not in their social circle in the first place.

So of we (me and another Malaysian, WK) went to the dinner. He is much senior than I am, maybe that's why they invited me (us)...the senior guy might have more things in common with them, at least that was I thought. As my assumption earlier, the guests were all mat saleh, only me and WK are the odd two out :p

Most of the time I just listened to their conversation. Chipping in maybe what seems to me what was merely a sentence...hahaha...not that I have nothing to say, but somehow felt a bit out of places. The host were nice though.. The wife and the GM were kind and all seems fine, at least at the face value.

I walked back to the guest house with WK and each of us started to analyze the situation. WK felt out of place too. Both of us still did not understand why we were invited in the first place. I asked WK, if, if we are invited again, would he go? His response was first time, he had no choice, second time maybe he can come up with some kind of excuses.

For me, I don't know. If they invite, I'll probably attend. If they don't invite, I will not take it personally. I am fine with it. I had been on a domestic flight with the couple (GM and wife) twice now. And each time, I get the feeling that they are protective of me. Maybe because I am alone and I am single. Maybe that's why they were looking out for me. But work wise, I don't see it yet...well...he's a GM, I would not have direct interaction with him anyway.. So I don't know.

We'll see how it goes. Its a small camp. And we see each other a lot, I just want to get along with everybody, do my work and not step on anybody's toes. That's all.

Kim

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh....

Kim, this is the first time I am writing about you. I just want to say thanks. You might not know what you have done, but I really appreciate it. We are not that close, but somehow each time I feel down, there you are comforting me. All the same, its about the house. We are fighting the same battle, just that you are lucky that they are finishing on your house now.

Last night I was so down, and somehow today you decided to sit with me during breakfast, thank you. You always sits with the rest, but today you sit with me. Allah knows that I am frustrated right now with the whole house stuffs and maybe Allah has sent you to just lift up my day. Thanks Kim. Next week, you'll move to your house. I will definitely miss your company. I am pretty sure you won't miss mine. Then again, thanks a lot Kim, for those little talks as we walk to the office, the occasional chat in the bus, thank you very much.

I pray for all the patience that I can get, and hope they can start the work on my house, finish it up, so that I can cook and have you over for lunch or something, so that I can return the gesture. Thank you very much Kim.

Wassalam.

Book Club : Necessary Lies by Diane Chamberlain

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

As I mentioned before, the Outpost ladies came up with few activities to keep us occupied in the camp. An email came in last week to remind us on the next few week's activities. There was a planned book club session. I emailed them back to get the details, it turns out I missed out the earlier email, that gives the book details that is up for discussion.

After searching high and low, I finally get myself an e-copy of the book. (Lemah nak baca...I am an old fashion book reader, I need the hard copy). Nonetheless, I am making an effort to blend in. I am an introvert in many sense, and now, living in the guest house, I am even more isolated from the rest of the community. These kind of activities will help me a bit. Besides, its important for me to build rapport with the ladies. I will not be there in most of their activities on day time, hence I have to at least show up once in a while.

I didn't even finish the book, I only managed to read some reviews online and with the very limited knowledge and opinion of the book, there I was, attending my first ever book club meeting. Only the 'mat saleh' ladies showed up. I kinda guessed so. The Asian ladies are not really into these kind of things.

The discussion went well, they all have rounds and rounds of wine, vodka and soft drinks. Me? I had nothing..hehehe... I was there to observe the discussion, I didn't even contribute. I came clean much earlier that I have not finished the book yet, and I have not read that much yet. Its interesting on how they analyze the book. Few of the ladies are teachers, and they obviously has seen enough of the social issue where they came from. My take away from the session.

1. Book club is a legit session to speculate, delve on other's life and judge on how a certain things should be. We do this everyday, its called gossip...hahaha....but the beauty of a book club is, you are not actually talking about a real person, its just the character from the book that was put under scrutiny.
2. Moving forward, I would also use this session to practice my communication skill. I am intimidated by the 'mat saleh'. They are speaking in their mother tongue, and I have to step up. At the office I am interfacing too much with the locals, so much so, I can sense that my English is deteriorating, badly. Their use of grammar is poor, and sooner or later, I would go down to that level and I don't like that, therefore, I have to do something. It will be a monthly affair, but at least I will spend more time to prepare and up my game.
3. The club is a way for me to expose myself to other people's culture and get to know other people. As I mentioned, the Asian ladies, are not into this. My session with them revolves around recipes, home care, which is nothing wrong, but sort of limited to a certain topic only. 

About the book, having read only the reviews, and coming out from the book club meeting, I would definitely try to finish it. The fiction is based on actual issue that happens in US circa 1920s-1970s. Its a heavy topic but according to the ladies, its an easy read. We'll see how I will survive.....hahaha. Till then, wassalam.....

Ungu - Bila Tiba (OST - Sang Kiai)

Going in loops now...

Lirik Lagu Ungu - Bila Tiba (OST Sang Kiai)

Saat tiba nafas di ujung hela

Mata tinggi tak sanggup bicara

Mulut terkunci tanpa suara

Bila tiba saat berganti dunia

Alam yang sangat jauh berbeda

Siapkah kita menjawab semua

Pertanyaan

Bila nafas akhir berhenti sudah

Jatung hatipun tak berdaya

Hanya menangis tanpa suara

Mati tak bisa untuk kau hindari

Tak mungkin bisa engkau lari

Ajalmu pasti menghampiri

Mati tinggal menunggu saat nanti

Kemana kita bisa lari

Kita pastikan mengalami

Mati

Mati tak bisa untuk kau hindari

Tak mungkin bisa engkau lari

Ajalmu pasti menghampiri

Mati tinggal menunggu saat nanti

Kemana kita bisa lari

Kita pastikan mengalami

Mati

Jatuh cinta sama Pasha untuk kesekian kalinya ~ ~ ~ 

Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh....

Its been a while I shared my book reviews (as if I wrote that many reviews :P). Its been a while as well since I last finished a complete book. Time seems to pass by very quickly, especially when you are alone. You would have thought that being alone means you get to do more things, yes, but on condition that you have to be discipline. Me and discipline does not go hand in hand.

I started on this book more than 6 months ago. My first English books after a string of demam novel melayu....hehehe... I have never really read a chick flick/ chick lit, last was the one I shared here about a girl's trip to NY on new years' eve. I have never bought Sophie Kinsella's book, just not drawn to it I guess. So this is an attempt to see if I can survive the genre. (survived for 6 months that is!!)

The story started off slow, very slow, and its no way a page turner, but I had promise myself to finish this book before moving on to a new one. A simple friendship story with series of trouble among two girls that later in life brought them to two different paths. I can recognize one of the character in me, and that's the point it starts to hook me into reading it further. The plot is predictable, with a bit of suspense here and there but of course not to a level a thriller can give you chills. I think it would make a so-so drama that would probably survive one season. The tagline on the cover actually got me hooked .

I keep on reading to find out what the betrayal is, who betrayed who, as it can potentially goes both ways. And finally it happened, maybe I have not read enough chick lit, I didn't really see it coming, oh well.... there it is. Based on other people's review, they were quite pissed with how the two characters were brought together, so cliché, they say...hahaha... what do you expect, I wouldn't put high hopes in chick lit for the twist and turn. 

Reading this book, I began to reflect on my own, how solitary lives can impact me, it has, and I hope I am handling it well. Years worth of friendship does not guarantee anything. Friendship, as any other relationship goes through ups and downs, mine has pretty much been plateau for the very much part of it, be it with anybody. I managed to steer clear of just having one BFFs. I have big groups of girl friends, which I know when push comes to shove, they will be there for me emotionally. (Can't really count on physical support, each has their own commitment, I have to deal with it)

One of my close friend has just had a rough patch with another close friend (they still are as we are talking now). I listened to both sides, trying to be impartial, but somehow I tend to side with one of them, advises were given, but the outlook is not good. How far can you go in intervening somebody's else's problem? I found this video by Syeikh Yasir Qadhi helps a lot. 

Watch from minute 28 onwards, the second part of the khtbah. May it all help us as well. 

Wassalam....