Tuesday, May 9, 2017

This

We've not been talking much for the past few months. Our relationship has been off and on. I can't even remember when was the last time I sent anything to him.

Somehow today, he just out of the blue shared the podcast that he was listening to, just to create a conversation. Me, being the kayu as I always am, didn't really handle it well. Basically it was not a smooth flowing conversation, like always.

But regardless how it went, this feelings that I feel when he made the move (I can only guess his intention..) is indescribable. This feelings is nice, and if I'm not careful I can easily get carried away. It was nothing to him but I always tend to read into things.

This feeling is beautiful, that moment is beautiful. Maybe I am exaggerating things....but I don't get to feel this feelings every day. I just hope that I will be able to feel this again with someone that is halal for me. I really do.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Cerai

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

I am so sorry that this blog has become an outlet for me to express all the negatives feeling that I have been having. Here's another one today. I found no other positive way to channel my frustration, so tinggal blog ni ja.

A friend has just broke the news that she is no longer living with her husband, they have separated for 3 months now. She apparently fall in love with another guy. (worst thing that could happened in a marriage..!) I noticed her FB feed full of pictures of her going out with another man, but her kid is with her, at that time I felt uneasy and suspected something but didn't have the nerve to ask for details. She once made a remark that I was too outspoken and maybe some of the things I said to her has hurt her, which I totally have no intention to. So when I see these kind of things happening, I hold back my opinion, for I know she will not be able to accept what I would say.

We are in a whatsapp group (who isn't nowadays?) and since she has been keeping mum about the whole thing, I tried asking in the group how is she doing? Then the news come. She is going to file her divorce in court. She said she no longer can live with her husband, she still did not give much details but the part where she has somebody else is clear. She admitted it. She even said that she don't think she can live without this new guy. I am shocked. I didn't expect it to go that far.

How can you fall out of love with someone that you choose to be married with? Its sad.. I don't really know how it feels to fall head over heels on someone. I had feelings, I like Kim for example, but I know that I can live without him, I liked one guy in uni,deep in my heart I still like him, but I don't go chasing after him after we both graduated. But the thing is, I can never fall out of love with these guys, maybe I can if they treated me badly. I know the husband, not very well, but I think I know enough to make a judgement of his character. He loves her, and he is not capable of finding someone else. He has not been hostile to her (not that I can see). She is the dominant one in the relationship. Apparently they (both husband and wife) have been talking to another good friend, and they have seek for advises, but my friend, she just don't want to be married to her husband anymore.

I guess every couple are being tested like this at some point. You will see someone else as being better than your spouse, but the key is I guess to remind yourself back why you love that person in the first place, why did you choose to get married, it is for better and for worse. If things goes sour, shouldn't you work on resolving it? I don't know how much they have worked to save their marriage, maybe there are some internal issues that she is not willing to discuss and being keeping it to herself all the while and now its too much to bear already, maybe. Allah knows best.

I just hope that this somebody new can give her the happiness that she is looking for. I hope this new guy is not just taking advantage of her. I really hope so. May Allah guide her to do whats best for her and her kid. May Allah protect us all....

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Dissappointment

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

Few months ago, there were news that a Malaysian with a Caucasian husband is moving into the camp. I take the news with a pinch of salt, as the immigration visa and what not may caused them not to transfer here anyway. Fast forward to a month ago, they finally came! I was excited to meet yet  another melayu in the camp. They arrived on Wednesday night, so they decided to drop by during the fun run dinner. There she was, with a tight singlet top and tight capri saying hi to everybody. I was shocked but tried to hide my actual feelings. Istighfar pun ada ( I think!). Then again, why was I surprised? Laki dia mat saleh kot.. Its just that I expected her to be the normal melayu, kalaupun tak pakai tudung, at least pakaian tak sampai macam tu. Kita balik naik segan sebab yang rajin pakai sleeveless cuma si Andrea, the hot latino mama. Even some of Andrea's clothes I felt uneasy to look at. I am not saying I'm an angle, tapi for a melayu to dress like that, hhmmm..... tarnish reputation ok.

And just few weeks ago, another family moved in, they are Turkish. They actually advertised looking for an English teacher, because the mother cannot speak English at all. She is solely relying on her husband for all communication. Tak rasa tergerak nak kenal pun, but this morning during the shopping trip, I finally saw her. Lagi istighfar.. my assumption of Turkish at least ada rupa bini Erdogan jauh meleset. Apatah lagi rupa makcik2 Turki masa jumpa kat Mekah time umrah, memang jauh sama sekali. Badan dia bertattoo.. banyak ok, lagi banyak dari si Iain mat saleh yang ada tattoo kat betis ja. I guess thats the product of Mustapha Kamal Attaturk. Then again, Zeyneb bini si Sadat pun Turki yang macam tu. Minum arak toksah cakap la, and depa lagi celebrate Krismas, raya memang tak sambut langsung. No wonder Khalifah Uthmaniah jatuh... orang-orang dia kuat ke pahaman sekular. Nauzubillahi min zalik.

I guess there will be a lot of people that should qualify as Muslim and maybe even claimed themselves as Muslim that are like this. I know a woman, laki dia orang melayu, mak dia pakai tudung, tapi dia still pakai short pants. So apa nak heran, asal melayu kawin melayu pun tak boleh nak pakai elok2, inikan pulak menikah dengan mat saleh. But I've seen a fair share of perempuan melayu kawin mat saleh tapi tak hilang melayu dia, pakai still sopan walaupun tak pakai tudung... Pokok pangkalnya hati...Semoga Allah SWT lindungi kita semua...

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Moment

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh,

I touched down at Qatar HIA at ~4.45 am. Next flight boarding at 6.05 am. There's still time for quick Suboh and a tea break, but first things first, I need to locate where is the next gate, quick check on the information board, gate B1. Quickly made my way to gate B. The musolla and toilet is located very close to the gate.

Having had completed my solat, I was contemplating where should I head on for tea break. No PAUL like cafe in HIA, so to the lounge it is. After a cup of tea and some pastries it was already 5 mins to 6 am. Gathered my things, made my way to the gate, but made a temporary stop at WH Smith. Picked up 4 books, about to fall into the marketing trick of buy 3 free 1 when the better sense in me says I can get the whole lot cheaper via MPH online, or bookexcess. Hehe. Put it back on the shelves, and this time I really head on to the gate. No more distraction.

Queued behind few locals and after the airport crew scanned my boarding pass, I stepped into the waiting area. I was looking for a non crowded place and all of the sudden there he was. He walked towards me, greeted me, we both said hello and he escorted me to where he is seated. We both knew that we would be on the same flight, and I guess he was looking forward to meet me. The feeling is mutual. He began talking about his trip, and he sounds really excited about it. He did mentioned that he can imagine living in KL.. aaww...So sweet!

The other passenger started boarding the flight and we were the only 2 left. He's on business class and I was on economy. We didn't see each other throughout the whole flight. The moment the flight touched down Lagos, I did what I always did, I rushed to the immigration counter. Got inline at the immigration counter and managed to fill up the form while at it. I could no longer see him. Being seated in 2A, I think he was probably the first one to board off the plane.

I was a bit nervous at the immigration counter because on the way out of Nigeria, they made a living hell out of me, picking on the tiny little details on my passport and make a mountains of issues about it. So when the immigration officer handed over my passport and green card, it was such a relief. Made my way to the conveyor belt, the bags has started to come. I spotted him on the other side of the belt. He already has a trolley with him and offered for us to share. His bag came out way earlier than mine. I was already getting really nervous, for fear that my bag is somehow stuck in Doha. He waited anyway. It took quite a while. Alhamdulillah I managed to get both of my bags and we both went through the customs check together. As usual the customs officer were on fishing trip. He did most of the talking, I just stand by his side, giving the impression that we are together and he made it clear to the custom that we ARE together. (Makin caiyaq dah waktu ni..hehehe). We were let go without much fuss and later while waiting for the bus to pick us up, he did mentioned he did intended to give the impression that we are a couple, maybe to speed things up. Whatever his reason is, I still could not stop smiling :)

We boarded the bus, he fills up the form for me and told the driver where we were heading. I got off at the local airport, heading back to PHC with 3.15 pm flight, while he will still be in Lagos for few days due to his project workshop. I will only see him later this week, maybe at a farewell party if he decided to go.

It might not be anything, but these small moments with him that I will treasure. I know very little chance that whatever we have between us is going anywhere, so please let me enjoy this. A brief moment in my life that I don't think I will ever get to experience again. It felt so good to be taken care of. Be it just pushing the trolley with my bag on, talking to the customs officer, and filling up my name in the bus sheet. Having being independent and all alone all this while, I really appreciate those little gesture, maybe small to other people but pretty huge deal for me, because all of that done by him.

I know what we have is special, I visited Norway and he visited Malaysia while we both know each other. Kalau orang tak tau status, memang dah jadi scandal dah.. hehe. No scandal, just a brief exciting episode in my otherwise ordinary life, and I'm thankful for it.

This year's KPI of having a photo with him has not materialize yet. (Ohh.. yearly KPI ek? hehe). As I am counting down the days left in this country, I am also dreading the day I will say farewell to him. As special as our relationship may seem, I don't put high hope for us to keep in touch after we both returned back to Malaysia and Norway respectively upon finishing this assignment. He's just not that kind to keep in touch. He said that himself, so its OK, whatever we have for the past 3 years is fine with me. Its enough.

Until next time.. wassalam..

Monday, January 30, 2017

Mak dan 5705

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh..

So many things happening in the world today, particularly last weekend, Trumps executive order to ban Muslim from entering USA has caused massive chaos in their airports and mixed reaction from all over the world. Everybody seems to be talking about it, regardless whether they are impacted directly or not. So need I say more? I don't see the need to do so.

Lets talk about something closer to me, in fact, someone really close to me.


Mak has never had the privilege to learn how to drive. She's been either on the public transport or relied on arwah ayah to move around. She knew how to ride a motorcycle when she was young, but she didn't really use it that much since.

So when ayah fall sick and many of us lived far from home, we urged mak to take up driving lesson and get a license. Mak was reluctant at first, she was not confident that she can do it. She initially went for few lesson but the instructor was really strict, kinda scared mak a bit. I guess its the age. Mak is one steadfast lady, that worked odd jobs, braved the storm of living in the big city, sacrificing hours making kuih and nasi lemak to feed us. She normally doesn't give up easily, but when it comes to driving she was happy to be in her comfort zone.

And then ayah got really sick, up to a point ayah could no longer drive. So happened adik is still at home since she has decided to take some time off before pursuing her degree. We trusted adik to send mak for driving classes, study for the test etc. Mak finally took the driving test and she passed!

However, we plan, but Allah SWT plans as well. Just after mak passed the driving license, ayah passed away. Few days later mak went over to JPJ to get her license. She told the counter staffs, 'Makcik ambik lesen sebab nak bawak pakcik pi hospital, tapi ajal pakcik dah sampai..tak dan.'

Well, all is not lost we say, because mak used to rely on ayah to travel around, and now she has a valid driving license, and has built some confidence to drive around, it gives her more freedom to move. She can visit Lang anytime she wants should there be any emergency.

Therefore we decide to buy mak a new car. She passed the test using an auto car, but we only have manual car in the house. The colour was of her choice. I purposely asked for the similar plate no :)

And mak already had the test drive all the way to Baling to my cousin's house! What you don't see in the picture is the jam packed passangers, my sisters and nieces and nephew. Excited semua!
Till next time. I've yet to test drive the new car..hehe

Wassalam..

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

MoM

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh....

Alhamdulillah, I've completed my 3 years here comes 1st Jan. I am now in my final year. Many things have changed over the past 3 years and the latest is now I have a new boss. He's a local guy, while WK has been tasked to another work that was vacated by someone that has retired.

So this new boss is not somebody new. He's a local Nigerian. When I came in, he was posted to Brunei, but his career as expat ended short, as Nigeria desperately needs him to come back due to some re-organization. He came back and worked in Projects and now with the new development, he's been constituted back to our team, as Process Safety Manager.

Physically he's not here yet, but slowly he's taking over from WK. WK now is back in Malaysia for CNY, hence he leads the first department meeting last Monday. One of the first thing that he asked me to do was to take the minutes. My knee jerk reaction is, you think I'm a trainee? A bit crossed that I'm being asked to do 'balachi' work. Well I still am, they asked me to do 'clerical' work such as weekly highlights, for example. And FYI we have a trainee in this department. How come I have to do this?

I took it as insult, initially, but within hours I managed to look past the task. I am the kind of person that loose focus immediately. I have short term attention span and I forget things, but if I really paid attention, things got embedded in my mind, it will be quite hard to erase it.

So this task actually will keep me focused. As mundane as it may seem, this is my chance to be updated. I do noticed work that comes in straight away goes to my colleague. The locals like to deal with the locals and I would be in the dark had I not been snooping around. Fell discriminated? I definitely am.

So yes, ambik la MoM kami ni pun, if thats what it takes for me to be in the game. One more year. With the MASIP gang slowly moving away, only Anton and myself left in the camp. The new people that came in are mostly from UK (British, Scottish...) No new Dutch people as well. It has became a more English environment. I have nothing against them, but definitely losing the Asian touch. So yes, I'm looking forward to go back to Malaysia end of this year. I'm actually looking forward to get out of here, but Malaysia said no, you cannot apply anywhere else, you have to come back! I am still hoping for miracles as I still want to see more of this world. Hehehe.. selfish sangat kan..

Ok, till next time. Now counting days to my next trip back home, in about 16 days.

Wassalam...

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

FIFA The Best 2016

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

I can't remember when was the last time I posted anything about football. Must be aeons years ago..haha.

Tonight was the first ever FIFA The Best Award for all best achievements in football for 2016. I was not sure why the Ballon d'Or was announced earlier and not together but hey its OK, that just means that Cristiano won 2 awards for 2016..:)

What I think of other winners?

The Best FIFA Men's Coach Award - Claudio Ranieri

Hebat pakcik ni..even Zidane pun kalah, but his magic that brings Leicester City on top of EPL last year was superb, and lawak jugak bila dia berucap, boleh tahan pakcik ni. All the other candidates are my favourite as well, so anybody wins, I'm happy and besides Zidane has a long way to go, he'll make it there someday.

The Best FIFA Fan Award - Borrusia Dortmund and Liverpool

This was another category that I don't mind if any of the nominees won, all of them are deserving and it does warms my heart to see the playback. Football fans around the world has had fair share of shenanigans but more often than not fans cheers for a game and celebrates even if the opponent scores if the goal is a good one. Unlike NBA, where the game atmosphere is so negatives, from the commentator to the fans, morally degrading for the visiting team, tak ada semangat kesukanan langsung. They mocked and boo-ed the opponent each and every opportunity they can. I adore supportive fans, I admire the spirit, but I strongly condemned mental bullying in that sense. Football on the other hand, has isolated cases like this, but always you'll see fans enjoy the game together. That's the beauty of it.

 PUSKAS Award - Mohd Faiz Subri
Need I say more? I've been ecstatic since I saw his nomination in top 10 and has been campaigning in FB and IG for people to vote him, and it was well paid off :) Tahniah Faiz!

Till next post. Wassalam!