Thursday, July 20, 2017


That moment when you both look up from afar just to smile and wave goodbye.

I keep on saying this, I hope I can have this exact feeling again...

Tuesday, July 18, 2017


Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh....

If yesterday I wrote about my dreams should I be able to land a job in KL, today I will share what my plan is, if that did not happen.

This is my final year here, and although I have not spoken to the GM yet, I have a feeling that my service here is not going to be extended. Reason is, my boss gave me a non-hesitant approval to start looking for jobs, now that I am reaching the end of assignment. That is indirectly saying, we no longer need you, please go ahead and make the necessary plan towards the end of your time here.

For the past 2-3 years, Shell has been cutting jobs all around the world, Malaysia is not excluded. Been looking for job since May and I have yet to find anything. I don't even see many job in my field that are being advertised, at least not within Shell.

So, if I fail to get a job in Malaysia, by end of this year, what will happen? Big question....and indeed I have been thinking a lot about this as well. For the first time in my life, I am worried that I will not be able to provide for my family. Back in 2006, when I resigned from MP without having even 1 offer in my hand, it was less terrifying. Maybe because I don't have much commitment back then. Now all are on me.

Having that in mind, I came up with back up plans.

Plan A:
Take a break from working, and maybe pursue full time Masters Degree course. I've been wanting to do this for quite sometime. I have no discipline to commit to part time study. So a full year course should be fine and I have confidence that I can complete it. The only problem is $$ or should I say £££? Hehehe. Well, I did my diploma and bach degree in UiTM, so rasanya tak salah kalau nak berangan buat Masters kat oversea kan..

For this plan to work, I need to save up ~ RM 240K, that will roughly cover my tuition fee, cost of living in UK, cost of living mak in SP and some basic overheads for SJ apartment.

The semester in UK starts in September, but I will be free January onwards (depending on employment T&C with Shell is, so during the gap time, I have to think of something, my sister actually suggested doing Uber..hahaha. not bad, boleh la kot dipertimbangkan.

Plan B:
Venture into business, cake business maybe but I have to save some start up cost. So anyhow I still need to save money. For this one, I need to attend classes, take proper training and have some target customer. Maybe balik dok Kedah pun ok. Spoken to a friend that works with Mardi, she suggested bisnes cendawan tiram, menarik jugakla kalau pikiaq balik. So yes, this one definitely an option.

Plan C:
Find job with other O&G company. To be honest, I am kind of tired of working in the corporate world. Selagi ada rezeki with Shell, OK, but to apply to another company....boleh, tapi... banyakla tapi..hehehe. We'll see how. Rezeki ada kat mana-mana kan..?

So anyhow, life has to go on, and rezeki Allah ada di mana-mana. We will see how this will turns out.

Till next time, wassalam.

Monday, July 17, 2017


Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh... post at all in June. Sibuk nau puasa dan beraya kot..hehehe. Maybe. Its been a week since I came back to work. Puasa ganti baru sehari and doesn't look like I can finish all the puasa ganti, let alone puasa 6 this Syawal. Dua minggu beraya di tanah Malaya, enjoy sakan, mana nak posa. Konon nak posa bila balik sini, less distraction kononnya...

The first few days, layan jetlag, posa? gone..After that I was down with flu, sampaikan kena work from home as I could not stand the office aircond, its a centralized system, therefore we could not manipulate it. Now I am still recovering. Syawal tinggal lagi kurang lebih seminggu, and my cough is still lingering, so not likely I will clock any puasa days anytime soon. Tu la..waktu sihat kat Malaya tak nak buat, bertangguh... padan muka. Try better next year OK?

Speaking of raya, the normal topics that comes with it is open house. I've been holding mini makan-makan session here for the past three years and this year the tradition will continue insyaAllah, and this time around I have the extra help from my new neighbour. Hari ni nak plan detail on who does what. But based on our earlier discussion, most likely the menu would be:
  1. Nasi impit
  2. Kuah lodeh
  3. Sambal kacang
  4. Sambal ikan bilis
  5. Rendang ayam
  6. Lemang instant? - am not keen, but she insisted it
  7. Biskut raya - specially imported from Malaya. Nak buat kat sini memang tak la..dengan butter mahai nak mampss
  8. Kerepek - also specially imported from Malaya. Penuh my hand carry ngan biskut raya and kerepek..hahaha. 
  9. Special appearance of kek lapis - this is a surprise for my neighbour. Dia tak berkesempatan balik raya lagi, raya haji baru balik to Miri, so I took the liberty of belikan kek lapis and bawak balik sini :) would love to see her face when she gets it!
  10. Toffee date pudding - ni sebab nak pakai stok kurma yang bertahun-tahun dah kejung dalam my pantry. Hopefully it will turn out fine. 
I think by normal open house standard, we still lack of one main dish...but I maybe wrong. The mat saleh doesn't eat much. So we'll see how the discussion today turns out. 

On the same note but different token, I've been thinking a lot of getting another house in BJ. The apartment that I bought in 2013 was completed in 2015, and I've been furnishing it bit by bit. Its a small 2 bedroom apartment, so there is not a lot to be done. Lagipun most of my stuffs are either in SP or here with me.

It is a small apartment and last year I hosted the DIC girls and their family for buka puasa and it was crammed.. So imagine if I want to have open house, confirm la sempit kan. Besides, it is quite small to fit my family when they came for a visit. So that is why I am heavily considering buying a landed home. Now that I have the luxury to live here, I suddenly becomes pampered...huhuhuhu...

Now I am in the midst of applying for a new job. Shell Malaysia does not allow back-to-back overseas posting (even though ramai je trotting the globe one expat job after another :P) and I have to find a job in Malaysia. The job market is really tough for the past 2 years and not many jobs are available. Spotted one potential job, but still things are a little bit shady. So if ada rezeki dapat kerja in KL, my plan is to save up deposit money for a landed property in BJ. I love the area, so its a no brainer. I am not looking for a new development, a second hand house would do. A link house is fine as long as landed, nak banglo besaq2 sapa nak duduk? nak maintain lagi..banyak la pulak kerja. So based on what I want, the asking price right now is between RM 800-900k. Freaking expensive! Ko tengok la area mana..haha. So easily 30% deposit will come to RM 240k. Why 30%? Sebab that would be the 3rd house under my name..hehehe. Bunyi macam kaya sangat la kan.. but actually not. 1st house in SP is for the family, am not making any profit of that property. Kalau takdak rumah tu memang kami masih menyewa kat Flat DBKL.

Second house is this one in BJ. So if the link house plan comes through, I will most probably rent out the apartment. Nak kata buat duit sangat pun, maybe tak kot.. takat rent out satu pintu, barely cover the maintenance and monthly commitment to the bank.

So insyaAllah, kalau ada rezeki, here is my plan:

2018: stay in the apartment - save up deposits
2019: purchase the landed house in BJ. Hopefully the market is still slow. Been monitoring the price since last year, not much movement, economy kan still slow.. korek la duit mana-mana to make up to the deposits. InsyaAllah hopefully can move in the same year and start furnish sikit2..
2020: have my first open house kat rumah baru! yeay! InsyaAllah, semoga dipermudahkan. That now has become my very own 'Wawasan 2020' hehehe..

Why do I share all the details here? I noticed that many things that I have today, are a result of once a dream. When I dream of things, I visualize it and somehow Allah make it easy for me to work towards it. Talk about power of visualization! Betul ni, tak tipu...

First example that I can relate to is back in 2005, I was job hunting, fresh after graduation. Masa kat career fair, I passed my resume to Sony Malaysia, waktu tu dah berangan nanti email aku ada nama ...gituuu.... hahaha.. Walaupun tak dapat Sony, look where I ends up now. Alhamdulillah!

And this expat posting, was something I visualized as well, years before I get the chance to actually apply for it. So tak ke pemurah Allah SWT tu?

Satu lagi ja visualization that has yet to come true.. that is to get married..hahaha. Well, rezeki yang ada ni pun dah syukur sangat dah. If I can find someone to be married to in this lifetime, its going to be a big bonanza bonus :D.

Panjang sangat la pulak kali ni despite not having any readers around..hahaha. Takpa. Bukan selalu pun update. Till next time, wassalam.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017


We've not been talking much for the past few months. Our relationship has been off and on. I can't even remember when was the last time I sent anything to him.

Somehow today, he just out of the blue shared the podcast that he was listening to, just to create a conversation. Me, being the kayu as I always am, didn't really handle it well. Basically it was not a smooth flowing conversation, like always.

But regardless how it went, this feelings that I feel when he made the move (I can only guess his intention..) is indescribable. This feelings is nice, and if I'm not careful I can easily get carried away. It was nothing to him but I always tend to read into things.

This feeling is beautiful, that moment is beautiful. Maybe I am exaggerating things....but I don't get to feel this feelings every day. I just hope that I will be able to feel this again with someone that is halal for me. I really do.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017


Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

I am so sorry that this blog has become an outlet for me to express all the negatives feeling that I have been having. Here's another one today. I found no other positive way to channel my frustration, so tinggal blog ni ja.

A friend has just broke the news that she is no longer living with her husband, they have separated for 3 months now. She apparently fall in love with another guy. (worst thing that could happened in a marriage..!) I noticed her FB feed full of pictures of her going out with another man, but her kid is with her, at that time I felt uneasy and suspected something but didn't have the nerve to ask for details. She once made a remark that I was too outspoken and maybe some of the things I said to her has hurt her, which I totally have no intention to. So when I see these kind of things happening, I hold back my opinion, for I know she will not be able to accept what I would say.

We are in a whatsapp group (who isn't nowadays?) and since she has been keeping mum about the whole thing, I tried asking in the group how is she doing? Then the news come. She is going to file her divorce in court. She said she no longer can live with her husband, she still did not give much details but the part where she has somebody else is clear. She admitted it. She even said that she don't think she can live without this new guy. I am shocked. I didn't expect it to go that far.

How can you fall out of love with someone that you choose to be married with? Its sad.. I don't really know how it feels to fall head over heels on someone. I had feelings, I like Kim for example, but I know that I can live without him, I liked one guy in uni,deep in my heart I still like him, but I don't go chasing after him after we both graduated. But the thing is, I can never fall out of love with these guys, maybe I can if they treated me badly. I know the husband, not very well, but I think I know enough to make a judgement of his character. He loves her, and he is not capable of finding someone else. He has not been hostile to her (not that I can see). She is the dominant one in the relationship. Apparently they (both husband and wife) have been talking to another good friend, and they have seek for advises, but my friend, she just don't want to be married to her husband anymore.

I guess every couple are being tested like this at some point. You will see someone else as being better than your spouse, but the key is I guess to remind yourself back why you love that person in the first place, why did you choose to get married, it is for better and for worse. If things goes sour, shouldn't you work on resolving it? I don't know how much they have worked to save their marriage, maybe there are some internal issues that she is not willing to discuss and being keeping it to herself all the while and now its too much to bear already, maybe. Allah knows best.

I just hope that this somebody new can give her the happiness that she is looking for. I hope this new guy is not just taking advantage of her. I really hope so. May Allah guide her to do whats best for her and her kid. May Allah protect us all....

Sunday, April 2, 2017


Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

Few months ago, there were news that a Malaysian with a Caucasian husband is moving into the camp. I take the news with a pinch of salt, as the immigration visa and what not may caused them not to transfer here anyway. Fast forward to a month ago, they finally came! I was excited to meet yet  another melayu in the camp. They arrived on Wednesday night, so they decided to drop by during the fun run dinner. There she was, with a tight singlet top and tight capri saying hi to everybody. I was shocked but tried to hide my actual feelings. Istighfar pun ada ( I think!). Then again, why was I surprised? Laki dia mat saleh kot.. Its just that I expected her to be the normal melayu, kalaupun tak pakai tudung, at least pakaian tak sampai macam tu. Kita balik naik segan sebab yang rajin pakai sleeveless cuma si Andrea, the hot latino mama. Even some of Andrea's clothes I felt uneasy to look at. I am not saying I'm an angle, tapi for a melayu to dress like that, hhmmm..... tarnish reputation ok.

And just few weeks ago, another family moved in, they are Turkish. They actually advertised looking for an English teacher, because the mother cannot speak English at all. She is solely relying on her husband for all communication. Tak rasa tergerak nak kenal pun, but this morning during the shopping trip, I finally saw her. Lagi istighfar.. my assumption of Turkish at least ada rupa bini Erdogan jauh meleset. Apatah lagi rupa makcik2 Turki masa jumpa kat Mekah time umrah, memang jauh sama sekali. Badan dia bertattoo.. banyak ok, lagi banyak dari si Iain mat saleh yang ada tattoo kat betis ja. I guess thats the product of Mustapha Kamal Attaturk. Then again, Zeyneb bini si Sadat pun Turki yang macam tu. Minum arak toksah cakap la, and depa lagi celebrate Krismas, raya memang tak sambut langsung. No wonder Khalifah Uthmaniah jatuh... orang-orang dia kuat ke pahaman sekular. Nauzubillahi min zalik.

I guess there will be a lot of people that should qualify as Muslim and maybe even claimed themselves as Muslim that are like this. I know a woman, laki dia orang melayu, mak dia pakai tudung, tapi dia still pakai short pants. So apa nak heran, asal melayu kawin melayu pun tak boleh nak pakai elok2, inikan pulak menikah dengan mat saleh. But I've seen a fair share of perempuan melayu kawin mat saleh tapi tak hilang melayu dia, pakai still sopan walaupun tak pakai tudung... Pokok pangkalnya hati...Semoga Allah SWT lindungi kita semua...

Tuesday, February 21, 2017


Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh,

I touched down at Qatar HIA at ~4.45 am. Next flight boarding at 6.05 am. There's still time for quick Suboh and a tea break, but first things first, I need to locate where is the next gate, quick check on the information board, gate B1. Quickly made my way to gate B. The musolla and toilet is located very close to the gate.

Having had completed my solat, I was contemplating where should I head on for tea break. No PAUL like cafe in HIA, so to the lounge it is. After a cup of tea and some pastries it was already 5 mins to 6 am. Gathered my things, made my way to the gate, but made a temporary stop at WH Smith. Picked up 4 books, about to fall into the marketing trick of buy 3 free 1 when the better sense in me says I can get the whole lot cheaper via MPH online, or bookexcess. Hehe. Put it back on the shelves, and this time I really head on to the gate. No more distraction.

Queued behind few locals and after the airport crew scanned my boarding pass, I stepped into the waiting area. I was looking for a non crowded place and all of the sudden there he was. He walked towards me, greeted me, we both said hello and he escorted me to where he is seated. We both knew that we would be on the same flight, and I guess he was looking forward to meet me. The feeling is mutual. He began talking about his trip, and he sounds really excited about it. He did mentioned that he can imagine living in KL.. aaww...So sweet!

The other passenger started boarding the flight and we were the only 2 left. He's on business class and I was on economy. We didn't see each other throughout the whole flight. The moment the flight touched down Lagos, I did what I always did, I rushed to the immigration counter. Got inline at the immigration counter and managed to fill up the form while at it. I could no longer see him. Being seated in 2A, I think he was probably the first one to board off the plane.

I was a bit nervous at the immigration counter because on the way out of Nigeria, they made a living hell out of me, picking on the tiny little details on my passport and make a mountains of issues about it. So when the immigration officer handed over my passport and green card, it was such a relief. Made my way to the conveyor belt, the bags has started to come. I spotted him on the other side of the belt. He already has a trolley with him and offered for us to share. His bag came out way earlier than mine. I was already getting really nervous, for fear that my bag is somehow stuck in Doha. He waited anyway. It took quite a while. Alhamdulillah I managed to get both of my bags and we both went through the customs check together. As usual the customs officer were on fishing trip. He did most of the talking, I just stand by his side, giving the impression that we are together and he made it clear to the custom that we ARE together. (Makin caiyaq dah waktu ni..hehehe). We were let go without much fuss and later while waiting for the bus to pick us up, he did mentioned he did intended to give the impression that we are a couple, maybe to speed things up. Whatever his reason is, I still could not stop smiling :)

We boarded the bus, he fills up the form for me and told the driver where we were heading. I got off at the local airport, heading back to PHC with 3.15 pm flight, while he will still be in Lagos for few days due to his project workshop. I will only see him later this week, maybe at a farewell party if he decided to go.

It might not be anything, but these small moments with him that I will treasure. I know very little chance that whatever we have between us is going anywhere, so please let me enjoy this. A brief moment in my life that I don't think I will ever get to experience again. It felt so good to be taken care of. Be it just pushing the trolley with my bag on, talking to the customs officer, and filling up my name in the bus sheet. Having being independent and all alone all this while, I really appreciate those little gesture, maybe small to other people but pretty huge deal for me, because all of that done by him.

I know what we have is special, I visited Norway and he visited Malaysia while we both know each other. Kalau orang tak tau status, memang dah jadi scandal dah.. hehe. No scandal, just a brief exciting episode in my otherwise ordinary life, and I'm thankful for it.

This year's KPI of having a photo with him has not materialize yet. (Ohh.. yearly KPI ek? hehe). As I am counting down the days left in this country, I am also dreading the day I will say farewell to him. As special as our relationship may seem, I don't put high hope for us to keep in touch after we both returned back to Malaysia and Norway respectively upon finishing this assignment. He's just not that kind to keep in touch. He said that himself, so its OK, whatever we have for the past 3 years is fine with me. Its enough.

Until next time.. wassalam..