Monday, February 8, 2016

Of Death and Regrets

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

Just received a news, a DIC classmate died due to road accident. I just said Hi to him via FB few months back. Its a shocker. He's the second one in our class that has passed away. With every death, we'll be pushed to reflect. But somehow this particular one left an impact to me. No, I was not close to him, but that kind of sudden death is hard to ignore.

What if it happens to me? I know that asking what if is not good. If I know that I will die tomorrow. This would be one of my regret. Kim. No, nothing is going on between us. We rarely talked though we are on the same bus every day. Its just that off and on when he did small things like this, it hard to forget him, and hard to not feel anything for him. When this email came in, I was dumbfounded. I left at his last email. I don't know how to feel. He is being nice by asking about it. Its his concern that worries me? What is it that he is not telling me? Other people knew but don't really care to ask unless I tell.

He's on different level, he may well be just keeping up with the current news but I wish he stop doing things like this, concern about things that is close to my heart. Making its hard for me to see him as just another colleague. I wanted to confront him, but I am scared that I will loose him, what if he avoid me? How am I going to face that for the next 2 years? I wanted to ask him, 'So how would you feel if I have to leave before my assignment ends?' I so badly want to ask, but I am scared of the answer, be it his verbal or non verbal ones. Gosh, its tough!

And he will be definitely a regret, if I don't make up my mind soon.

Till next time,