Tuesday, December 9, 2014

At Least Now I Know...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

I had a dinner with Kim tonight, at his house. It started off last week, when I was back from Lagos, I message him to invite for dinner, as I was sick of eating alone. He declined, he already has guest to entertained, but he extended the invite to me. I declined as I was looking forward for a homecooked meal, I was tired of eating other food, I wanted my food from my kitchen.

The thing that surprised me was, he countered offer, maybe we can have dinner at his place, well...I said yes almost instantaneously. Hahaha..So the date was today. He gets his nanny to cook something.

The dinner went well, we talked for a bit and I got to know more of him. And I think my earlier feelings for him was just an infatuation.  The more I get to know him, the more I realized we have different values. Forget the fact that he does not really believed in religion, we are different in even some of the basic values. But he's a nice guy to be friend with. I was glad that I took the offer. I can move on now.

The only problem that I have is, I am still puzzled as to why I am so cold hearted, it's hard for me to fall for someone, and to accept any person for who they are (in pursuing marriage concept). I simply can't.  I have serious trust issues.  I am heavily thinking of deleting my profile in both half our Deen and Muslim matrimony now. I have seen messages from few Nigerian brothers, no doubt I think they are good, but I could find it in my heart even to reply their messages. Something must be wrong with me.

Until I get that fixed, I'll remain status quo. As for Kim, we will be friends, he clearly doesn't have any feelings for me, what he did before was out of concern of a fellow colleague. Its good that I get the chance to confirm my feelings as well, so that I don't get carried away.

Marriage? If the time comes, the time comes, I think for now, I wouldn't sweat over it. I'll give myself until weekend, to delete all my profiles..hahaha.. Kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana kan..what's the point of me setting up profiles, if I knew I'll never trust all those online people.Allah knows best. Kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana, larilah sampai hujung dunia, kalau dah takdir, Allah akan temukan jugak, and by that time I would know without a doubt that we belong together, it's just that the time is not now...

Till next time, Wassalam..