Travelog Umrah : The Feeling

How can I describe? At first it was excitement that I finally made it!! But after second night in Madinah, it changed to something different…it started during the night that I went to Raudhah.

Before Isya’ I was battling with my own feeling of anger, and guilt for having to send the two MC back to hotel. Right after Isya’ I was rushing out to send them back and somehow it was fated that we stumbled upon another MC that is heading back, so I entrusted her to bring the two MC. I stayed and waited for turns to enter Raudhah with a group of other Malaysians. The moment it was opened, the Arabs rushed through. Malaysians stayed as the guard told us. Not long after that we were let in. they open bigger space for women. People where pushing from right, left and centre for a chance to pray in Raudhah area. In a split second I realized that I was stepping on the green carpet, it is Raudhah!! Somehow or rather in the midst of pushy crowd, a passage is cleared for me to perform solat sunat, and to top it all; I have quite an ample airtime for prayer in the area. I’ve got more than what I asked for, alhamdulillah….

When I was trying to exit the area, crowd pushed me to one side, and it was towards Prophet Muhammad’s tomb!! I can see what I thought was the door. At this time I though I have dried up my tears during prayer earlier, then it start to well up again. It was streaming down my cheek non-stop, I guess it was partly because of the blessed feeling of being there at that moment and partly influenced by others surrounding me at that time.

I prayed to be given the chance to come back, with my parents and for my siblings to be able to come as well. I walked out very slowly, appreciating each moment spent; I even managed to have a look on the green dome (original Masjid Nabawi). I felt humble and blessed at the same time. Not all people that came here are given chances to step into Raudhah, let alone pray,make request and doa’.

After reaching Mekah, I decided to fully make use of my time at Masjidil Haram, I do not want to waste anymore time, hence the decision made to cut ties with the two MC. I did not really abandon them, just that I let both of their mahram to take care of them. I did not step in and tried to concentrate on my ibadah.

I feel humble each time I faced Kaabah, its calming just looking at it and I would not be satisfied if I did not get a prayer spot that did not have Kaabah view. I was never satisfied with my time spent there. I could have done more. It was absolutely liberating not having to think about anything but what to do next in the mosque.