Thursday, September 12, 2013

Is it me?

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

I think I have an ego issue. Or is it credibility issue? Bottom line is I have problem with my current boss. It has been there for quite some time and today I think I reached the high of it. I am not a confrontational person, and I don’t really speak in meetings unless being asked to. So both of us attended this one meeting and as usual, I was just listening to the issues being discussed and of course I’ve said nothing, simply because at this point in time, I have no input for those issues. Right after the meeting, he called me to the side, and subtlety hinting to me that I should have contributed in that meeting, I should have done this..I should have done that.. I agreed with some of his point, but somehow it was so obvious that I was making faces to him. Not something that I regret doing and till now I am still not sorry for doing that. Gosh!! What is wrong with me?

Ok, some background on the problems that I have with Mr B (the boss).

Right when he started working as my supervisor, he complaints about other manager A LOT! I mean really really A LOT. To a point that he mentioned few times that he should have applied for a higher position, that is his boss' position. If he mentioned it once, I can take it as a passing remarks, but he keep on mentioning it over and over again, each time he thinks that his boss has made a mistake. Strike #1, no respect for his superior.

He undermines me as a woman. He made remarks about his wife that has a tinge to degrading women in it. There is one trainee under our section, S. Mr B gave S some assignment and after few weeks working on it, the result was unsatisfactory. Mr B told me, and I intervened (I can’t remember whether I volunteered to intervene or was asked by Mr B to do that). But after few days of me intervening, S came out with the exact things that we are looking for. When S’s lecturer came for a visit, I was asked on my involvement in S’s internship. I mentioned that I was just supporting Mr B in the process. Mr B’s made a remark to the lecturer that S understands me better because I am a woman.  What does my gender as a woman has anything to do with S understanding me better? S is a guy. He should understand Mr B better in that sense; clearly it shows that you have communication issue right Mr B? Ok, that just pissed me off. Just because I am a woman, that is not the reason S took better direction from me, that just means that I don’t go around the bush in my work. Strike #2 no respect for me as individual.

Mr B was assigned to lead an incident investigation, and was required to collect huge amount of data. He was supposed to liaise with these few Jr Engineer and asked for their support. They promised him a dateline, and 2 days short of the dateline, Mr B came to me, asking me to pass a message to these engineers that he is not going to hesitate to name names in front of the management if they did not give him the cooperation that he asked for and was ‘perceived’ as delaying the investigation. One of the engineers was sitting in front of me, Mr B’s voice was clear enough to make sure this guy in front of me heard about it. I mean these people have tonnes of other workload, they did promise a deadline, and we are not even there yet. How can you put on a threat like that? I was crossed, first off, they were my junior, I was in their team before, and so I feel the pinch as well. I called their boss and had a closed door discussion with him. We took the matter to the department’s manager and let him sort out. Strike #3 undermines people’s workload; get things done by threatening, create unnecessary pressure and obviously no respect to others. And the best part of it, he doesn't think what he is doing is wrong, to him he is doing the right thing, and it so called help him ‘expedite’ the investigation.

There are many other occasions that lead to more strikes after that. And the many of which has made him loose his credibility to me. I know there’s a saying on do not look at the person who is saying it, rather look at what he is saying, but to me I could not separate the two. Ya Allah, lembutkan hati hambaMu ini, agar dapat menerima teguran meskipun dari orang yang sangat aku tak gemari.

Reminder to myself, there are points in life you are on top of your game, but always remember to respect the people around you. He will not be my boss for long. He has quit his job and starting at new place by October. I guess he ran out of toes to step on here. (Jahatnya mulut aku…!!)

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“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you." ~ William Arthur Ward...

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