Rezeki

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh..

Just sharing something short (ya ka short..hahaha)..

This month I am almost broke (I've reached worst cash in hand before), paid adik's uni fees, so that's 5K gone, and then some other things. Just realised my spending account, CIMB has also reached its low, in fact lowest fund of all time. I've been spending without keeping good track, haish.. bad bad..

Saw one posting from one of the travelers, she's organizing a trip to Belitung Island, sooo wanted to join, but after I realised that my cash fund is hitting all time low, I have to rely on other means. I remember I did put away some money in my PB account. That account is meant for home loan, but since I've served the loan fully, its now is just a savings account. Each time I people borrow money from me, I will get them to pay back to that account.

I've taken most of the money out last year in Dec to pay for adik's uni fee then, by right the balance is only around 1K++, but since I've also auto-deducted some money on monthly basis (the one that I conveniently forget about), I figured I may have an extra 2-3K there, enough for me to join this trip..hehehe.

This PB account only comes with a passbook and I intentionally did not take the ATM card earlier as I already have the most common 2, CIMB and MBB. So all this while I've been making my transaction via the counter at the bank. The limit for transaction is 5K, anything lower should be via the machine. So yesterday I went to counter, get my ATM card and update the passbook. To my delight surprise, I actually have 20K in my account!! I mean like seriously? Of course I can't see the detail transaction right from Dec this year, but I didn't expect it to be that much, 5K is my top estimate. I guess people that I owed has been paying diligently and maybe some chunk of interest from somewhere, or did I get a cash back from the fully served home loan? macam tak..hahaha..

Oklah, no need to pening-pening. I have it and I'm glad, can top up some of my deficit this month, but I have to practice better self control moving forward. I should not be carried away. 20K seems like a lot, but it flows like water, next thing you know, all gone.

I am planning for Euro trip next year, so better behave.   :) and yes, made my deposit payment for the Belitung trip, so yes, insyaAllah I'm going.

Till next time, wassalam. 

What Future?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh..

Its been months! I know.. somehow I have not been in any mood to do anything productive at all. I think I maybe at my lowest quality of life than I've ever been before. I work, go back watch drama, and then sleep. I don't plant things and make effort to see it grow anymore. Whatever in the yard, that is it. I make efforts to see people, by means of going back to KL on weekends. That part of silaturrahim is still maintained. But in terms of personal development, general health well being, status quo. Teruk gila kan.

Ok, dah divert from my original intent of this post. Back on track. We've known for quite some time that our future in Sarawak asset is in limbo (we: the company). There is ongoing negotiation with Petronas on the operatorship of our unit, which is owned by them but operated by us. It was under a 20 year PSC (production sharing contract). The contract due to expire end 2020, hence the negotiation has been ongoing for quite some time already. The talk of whether or not Petronas taking over and we loose the operatorship title and things like that. Yesterday a news came that also confirm the way forward. The biggest asset will be going through the 'shadow operatorship' by Petronas appointed company. While the whole negotiation is not a done deal yet, this part that is to be shadowed is almost confirmed to be handed over come end 2020. So that leads to the next question, what will happen to us?

This question has been on people's mind for quite some time. I was only mildly affected. I've been having this mindset that I'll probably be let go anytime by the company. In 2015 when the big re-organization happened, I've psyched myself up on plan B,C, and maybe D if I were to be made redundant.

After going through the harrowing experience of finding a new job mid 2017, I kinda accepted the fact that my day in this industry is numbered, and somehow, worry as I may, I really wasn't that much disturbed.

We had a session with our GM today, and when it was opened for Q&A, as expected my colleagues voiced out their concerns and uncertainty of our future here in Sarawak. Me on the other hand was only in the mood to listen. I was not curious at all, might sound distant, but I guess I was mentally prepared of whatever the outcome is. If I'm still needed here, I'll stay. If somehow I am made redundant, I don't think I'll loose sleep over it. I might not have tonnes of money, but I think I'll get by. I was and still am not too nervous about the whole thing. Maybe I have way too much trust in the system, but I think I've learnt to accept whatever has been decided for me. Allah SWT has shown me time and time again, regardless how much I worry, it has always His plan that works the best for me. I just have to walk the road the was laid for me. I know that much.

Another thing I realized is, I have a lot of untapped capability, what does that mean? What I mean is, I have a lot of resources (time, capital, brain power) to do something that can guarantee me a comfortable income even if I am not working in this field anymore, and the condition is I have to start doing it on the side, if I were to have a seamless transition from being employed to self earning income, (comfortable one). But somehow, I am not working on that. My sole income is my job, if I were to made redundant, that is it. I don't have a back up income. So why am I not doing anything even though I know at certain time, sooner or later it will come to that point?

The answer is, I don't enjoy unnecessary stress, I want a comfortable life, like what I am having right now. I am too lazy to make those effort. As I reflect back, one of the underlying cause is I live alone. Whatever hardship that I will go through, I have to face it alone. So I think its best for me to not risk anything, be it money wise, or my general well being. I don't have anyone to share my pain, my struggle, hence I will not be bringing that upon myself. Malas is another factor, but the lack of support I think is the biggest factor. I put minimal effort, and I feel bad saying this, but I'm ok with what I have now.

Well, at least this is my state now. If indeed there is a case for change, I'll definitely change.

Till next time, wassalam.  

I am tired of being an adult...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,

What a title eh? hahaha... really, have been feeling that way lately and last night, adulting came real. How so?

March has been a month where I barely spend the night at home. First two weeks, was away in KK for a workshop. In that 2 weeks, flew back to KL for the weekend and then went on road trip with Sakina and Mawar. Last weekend I was back in Miri, only to fly back to KL on Monday afternoon as I've enrolled to attend a 2-day Process Safety seminar. Flew in last night.. reached home at ~9PM, ready to take a bath and call it a day.

Turned on the tap, no water... I knew I have not been paying the bills for quite some time, and I have this eerie feeling that my water supply has been disconnected. And then I remembered on Monday, there was a pipe leak incident near the house, so I texted both the landlord and my neighbour asking about any announcement of disruption. All is good, but they asked me to check the main valve outside, if its still shut. I wanted to just go to sleep, and check in the morning, but somehow, I've decided to check just before I went to bed. Lo and behold, the meter is gone...hahahahahaha... seumur hidup, this is the first time I've experience sampai meter kena ambik.

We used to live in government subsidised flat for almost 20 years. In the days where we almost have nothing to eat, mak still make sure that the rent is being paid in full, without fail. First thing the DBKL would do is cut the water supply for those who has been neglecting the house rent. That was mak's principle, biar tak makan, tapi jangan sampai kena halau.

So back to my case, I make do with whatever mineral/drinking water I have left in the house. The big tank outside is emptied out as well.. I think they must've taken away the meter last week, and when I was back in the weekend, I've been consuming the inventory from the tank..hahaha.. Semalam semua kering habis!

So this morning I went to LAKU ( Sarawak state govt owned company that manages water supply in Sarawak). Upon checking, I've not been paying the bills since July last year, baki tertunggak tak sampai RM50. But then no payment since July 2018, memang patut pun kena potong...hahahaha.. padan muka.

I paid all the bills, paid some in advance as well (enough to cover 2019), paid the re-connecting fee and I will get back my meter tonight. Haih la... It really has come to this. Being an adult, you can't afford to slack off, what more if you are living alone like me. You can play dumb, but it will bite you back when you least expected. I will need to include in the reminder for water bills next year. I've not really grown up have I?

Ohh well.... confession is good for the soul, and I am too ashamed to tell this to anyone else, so kat sini la bersemadi cerita ni. Another drama episode of my  mundane life..haha. Till next time.

Wassalam. 

Kill Me Heal Me

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,

Second month of the month, and second post.. (yay??) haha.. What has happened since last post..hmm.. nothing much, spent the weekend before CNY in SG, met up with friends, and a little bit of jalan-jalan..and finished this one K-Drama in between the trip.

Recommended by my colleague Chin Yin, since I have just discovered a liking towards Park Seo Joon. This was among his first drama, and true enough I love him in this one as well.

While my eyes were
 focused on Seo Joon, the main character and the story line hooks me, and the OST sangat2 sesuai, maybe it was specifically written for the drama, which makes it more impactful.

Before I knew it, I downloaded the song and have it in my playlist. Next thing I know, I watched the two lead again in their earlier drama, Secret Love.. fuh.. sedih gila, I was bawling  my eyes out. Tragic sangat cerita the heroine. 

And then I finished that within just 1 day +. Sanggup tak tidoq malam, start dari Jumaat malam, sampai ke Sabtu, marathon (blame Netflix! haha).

After that I finally started on Goblin, been there in my list for quite some time, but don't really have the inkling to start. People will say that I will fall in love with both of the lead actor, but as weird as it seems, I don't feel the love yet. Granted, they have superb chemistry and I am enjoying the bromance between the two, I don't find myself in a rush to look them up yet.

I was beginning to worry that I will fall in love with just anything K-Drama, now that the flood gate is opened, but thankfully it is not the case :).

When I love an actor, I can tell almost instantly, after maybe 1-2 episodes the heart decides.  Same goes with OST, when I feel connected to it, immediately I will search high and low for it. Goblin didn't gave me the same effect, 7 episodes down, but not yet, but I still enjoy the story though.

So I guess this heart of mine is still choosy, hahaha.. I still don't fall in love that easily. Ok, selamat la kan..

Ok, now waiting for the mood to check out another Park Seo Joon's drama, Fight for My Way. At the same time dah kena racun to watch another drama by this guy Ji Sung. He, to me, has a face which is of the same type like Song Joong Ki, what I call a sweet face, they can just move a 5mm of a muscle and you can see the sweet smile, effortless. Muka psycho pun boleh, how can you not fall in love with that?

Enough for today. Adios. 

Happy New Year 2019?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

Since we are still in January, I guess its not really a late post (at the rate everybody is blogging now days..hahaha..) Some people has totally abandoned the blog, and switching to more regular updates in FB/IG. That is kinda good thing, as I can feel safe to vent in blog again.

So how was my 2018? All in, good, average good, work is fine, but I've been slacking off. Somehow lost my motivation a long the year, I blame the midlife crisis. Can't really get out of it, as I am still the sole provider for the family. This year will be tougher, a lot has changed, I foresee the family will rely a lot more on me during emergency times (which is getting more frequent these days). Sedih that we have not really get our act together as a family and live comfortably like all other families do. Feeling burdened for the longest time possible, but I have no choice but to weather through.

Therefore, I am choosing to lay low this year, not going back KL as much as 2018. Live quietly in Miri, and only go back when it is really needed. Need above wants, and now the need is only that matters. How will then I fulfill my 'wants'? Already lined up few things, travel to be exact, looking forward to it, very much. So hopefully that will materialize.

Choosing to live quietly in Miri and minimizing KL trip can only mean I am withdrawing from social world even more. Weekend in Miri means going back on Friday afternoon after work and I can stay indoor (didn't even bother to go out to tend to my garden) until Monday morning. I tried making an effort to go out for breakfast on Saturday, or a movie or two. Last 2 weeks, I actually spent few hours sitting in Starbucks, ordered a frappucino and mind my own business. It felt good. I need to make a point to go out, I need the air. I can spend the weekend not talking to a single soul, be it F2F or via social media, I can really do that. Mode masuk gua kalau untuk orang lain, but for me, it has become a normal mode.

Geng Cik Kiah came for a visit just before new year, they left on 31st and I spent the NY eve alone cooped up in the house. What else? 😏 My next trip out is for CNY, heading to SG, so I'll be fine going into solitude mode for another couple of weekends.

Why have I not been meeting new people in Miri, why can't I find new friends to hang out with? The answer is simple. I became lazy, lazy to make effort, lazy to approach people, lazy to just move. I no longer crave for companionship in that sense. I have always been fine going to cinema alone, but somehow it has become a norm, it would be hard for me to plan movie date with anybody, I think. Susah jugak kan kalau dah sampai phase macam ni.

I am going to stop pestering people to come visit me in Miri. Maybe I will go to Gua Niah on my own, tak payah tunggu visitors mai sini. This is Malaysia, what am I so afraid of? Now that I've driven to BSB with the Cik Kiahs, I think I can go solo. Already thinking of maybe one of the weekend in Ramadhan, nak try solat terawih kat one of the masjid, insyaAllah.

Ok, finishing off now. Next post maybe on how I spend weekends cooping up in the house. I thought I wanted to talk about that today, tapi bila dah start menaip, side track pulak..haha.

Till next time, wassalam.