Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...
Since we are still in January, I guess its not really a late post (at the rate everybody is blogging now days..hahaha..) Some people has totally abandoned the blog, and switching to more regular updates in FB/IG. That is kinda good thing, as I can feel safe to vent in blog again.
So how was my 2018? All in, good, average good, work is fine, but I've been slacking off. Somehow lost my motivation a long the year, I blame the midlife crisis. Can't really get out of it, as I am still the sole provider for the family. This year will be tougher, a lot has changed, I foresee the family will rely a lot more on me during emergency times (which is getting more frequent these days). Sedih that we have not really get our act together as a family and live comfortably like all other families do. Feeling burdened for the longest time possible, but I have no choice but to weather through.
Therefore, I am choosing to lay low this year, not going back KL as much as 2018. Live quietly in Miri, and only go back when it is really needed. Need above wants, and now the need is only that matters. How will then I fulfill my 'wants'? Already lined up few things, travel to be exact, looking forward to it, very much. So hopefully that will materialize.
Choosing to live quietly in Miri and minimizing KL trip can only mean I am withdrawing from social world even more. Weekend in Miri means going back on Friday afternoon after work and I can stay indoor (didn't even bother to go out to tend to my garden) until Monday morning. I tried making an effort to go out for breakfast on Saturday, or a movie or two. Last 2 weeks, I actually spent few hours sitting in Starbucks, ordered a frappucino and mind my own business. It felt good. I need to make a point to go out, I need the air. I can spend the weekend not talking to a single soul, be it F2F or via social media, I can really do that. Mode masuk gua kalau untuk orang lain, but for me, it has become a normal mode.
Geng Cik Kiah came for a visit just before new year, they left on 31st and I spent the NY eve alone cooped up in the house. What else? 😏 My next trip out is for CNY, heading to SG, so I'll be fine going into solitude mode for another couple of weekends.
Why have I not been meeting new people in Miri, why can't I find new friends to hang out with? The answer is simple. I became lazy, lazy to make effort, lazy to approach people, lazy to just move. I no longer crave for companionship in that sense. I have always been fine going to cinema alone, but somehow it has become a norm, it would be hard for me to plan movie date with anybody, I think. Susah jugak kan kalau dah sampai phase macam ni.
I am going to stop pestering people to come visit me in Miri. Maybe I will go to Gua Niah on my own, tak payah tunggu visitors mai sini. This is Malaysia, what am I so afraid of? Now that I've driven to BSB with the Cik Kiahs, I think I can go solo. Already thinking of maybe one of the weekend in Ramadhan, nak try solat terawih kat one of the masjid, insyaAllah.
Ok, finishing off now. Next post maybe on how I spend weekends cooping up in the house. I thought I wanted to talk about that today, tapi bila dah start menaip, side track pulak..haha.
Till next time, wassalam.
Since we are still in January, I guess its not really a late post (at the rate everybody is blogging now days..hahaha..) Some people has totally abandoned the blog, and switching to more regular updates in FB/IG. That is kinda good thing, as I can feel safe to vent in blog again.
So how was my 2018? All in, good, average good, work is fine, but I've been slacking off. Somehow lost my motivation a long the year, I blame the midlife crisis. Can't really get out of it, as I am still the sole provider for the family. This year will be tougher, a lot has changed, I foresee the family will rely a lot more on me during emergency times (which is getting more frequent these days). Sedih that we have not really get our act together as a family and live comfortably like all other families do. Feeling burdened for the longest time possible, but I have no choice but to weather through.
Therefore, I am choosing to lay low this year, not going back KL as much as 2018. Live quietly in Miri, and only go back when it is really needed. Need above wants, and now the need is only that matters. How will then I fulfill my 'wants'? Already lined up few things, travel to be exact, looking forward to it, very much. So hopefully that will materialize.
Choosing to live quietly in Miri and minimizing KL trip can only mean I am withdrawing from social world even more. Weekend in Miri means going back on Friday afternoon after work and I can stay indoor (didn't even bother to go out to tend to my garden) until Monday morning. I tried making an effort to go out for breakfast on Saturday, or a movie or two. Last 2 weeks, I actually spent few hours sitting in Starbucks, ordered a frappucino and mind my own business. It felt good. I need to make a point to go out, I need the air. I can spend the weekend not talking to a single soul, be it F2F or via social media, I can really do that. Mode masuk gua kalau untuk orang lain, but for me, it has become a normal mode.
Geng Cik Kiah came for a visit just before new year, they left on 31st and I spent the NY eve alone cooped up in the house. What else? 😏 My next trip out is for CNY, heading to SG, so I'll be fine going into solitude mode for another couple of weekends.
Why have I not been meeting new people in Miri, why can't I find new friends to hang out with? The answer is simple. I became lazy, lazy to make effort, lazy to approach people, lazy to just move. I no longer crave for companionship in that sense. I have always been fine going to cinema alone, but somehow it has become a norm, it would be hard for me to plan movie date with anybody, I think. Susah jugak kan kalau dah sampai phase macam ni.
I am going to stop pestering people to come visit me in Miri. Maybe I will go to Gua Niah on my own, tak payah tunggu visitors mai sini. This is Malaysia, what am I so afraid of? Now that I've driven to BSB with the Cik Kiahs, I think I can go solo. Already thinking of maybe one of the weekend in Ramadhan, nak try solat terawih kat one of the masjid, insyaAllah.
Ok, finishing off now. Next post maybe on how I spend weekends cooping up in the house. I thought I wanted to talk about that today, tapi bila dah start menaip, side track pulak..haha.
Till next time, wassalam.
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“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you." ~ William Arthur Ward...
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