Wednesday, July 10, 2019

What Future?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh..

Its been months! I know.. somehow I have not been in any mood to do anything productive at all. I think I maybe at my lowest quality of life than I've ever been before. I work, go back watch drama, and then sleep. I don't plant things and make effort to see it grow anymore. Whatever in the yard, that is it. I make efforts to see people, by means of going back to KL on weekends. That part of silaturrahim is still maintained. But in terms of personal development, general health well being, status quo. Teruk gila kan.

Ok, dah divert from my original intent of this post. Back on track. We've known for quite some time that our future in Sarawak asset is in limbo (we: the company). There is ongoing negotiation with Petronas on the operatorship of our unit, which is owned by them but operated by us. It was under a 20 year PSC (production sharing contract). The contract due to expire end 2020, hence the negotiation has been ongoing for quite some time already. The talk of whether or not Petronas taking over and we loose the operatorship title and things like that. Yesterday a news came that also confirm the way forward. The biggest asset will be going through the 'shadow operatorship' by Petronas appointed company. While the whole negotiation is not a done deal yet, this part that is to be shadowed is almost confirmed to be handed over come end 2020. So that leads to the next question, what will happen to us?

This question has been on people's mind for quite some time. I was only mildly affected. I've been having this mindset that I'll probably be let go anytime by the company. In 2015 when the big re-organization happened, I've psyched myself up on plan B,C, and maybe D if I were to be made redundant.

After going through the harrowing experience of finding a new job mid 2017, I kinda accepted the fact that my day in this industry is numbered, and somehow, worry as I may, I really wasn't that much disturbed.

We had a session with our GM today, and when it was opened for Q&A, as expected my colleagues voiced out their concerns and uncertainty of our future here in Sarawak. Me on the other hand was only in the mood to listen. I was not curious at all, might sound distant, but I guess I was mentally prepared of whatever the outcome is. If I'm still needed here, I'll stay. If somehow I am made redundant, I don't think I'll loose sleep over it. I might not have tonnes of money, but I think I'll get by. I was and still am not too nervous about the whole thing. Maybe I have way too much trust in the system, but I think I've learnt to accept whatever has been decided for me. Allah SWT has shown me time and time again, regardless how much I worry, it has always His plan that works the best for me. I just have to walk the road the was laid for me. I know that much.

Another thing I realized is, I have a lot of untapped capability, what does that mean? What I mean is, I have a lot of resources (time, capital, brain power) to do something that can guarantee me a comfortable income even if I am not working in this field anymore, and the condition is I have to start doing it on the side, if I were to have a seamless transition from being employed to self earning income, (comfortable one). But somehow, I am not working on that. My sole income is my job, if I were to made redundant, that is it. I don't have a back up income. So why am I not doing anything even though I know at certain time, sooner or later it will come to that point?

The answer is, I don't enjoy unnecessary stress, I want a comfortable life, like what I am having right now. I am too lazy to make those effort. As I reflect back, one of the underlying cause is I live alone. Whatever hardship that I will go through, I have to face it alone. So I think its best for me to not risk anything, be it money wise, or my general well being. I don't have anyone to share my pain, my struggle, hence I will not be bringing that upon myself. Malas is another factor, but the lack of support I think is the biggest factor. I put minimal effort, and I feel bad saying this, but I'm ok with what I have now.

Well, at least this is my state now. If indeed there is a case for change, I'll definitely change.

Till next time, wassalam.  

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