Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Trouble with Love is....

I could not hold this anymore. just finished talking to a friend (more like a big sister). She's pregnant with her 7th child and her 'beloved' husband is now having a young girlfriend. She was looking for a shoulder to cry on. She keeps telling me how she loss sleep over the man's behaviour.

That is the problem with women, they love somebody to much and keep everything very dear to them. I keep on telling her its not her fault that the man went out with some young chic. He's probably having the so called 'mid life crisis' - (konon...), man seems to have excuses for all the things that they do in life.

Women makes the biggest mistakes when they love a man more than they love themselves. I guess probably that is the reason I'm not married till today, a friend once said, I'm too in love with myself. Some people define loving yourself by taking good care of themselves, which means you keep in good shape, physically fit all the time.

Well my way of taking care of my self is more on the spiritual side, I have guards, walls, or whatever you may call it, so that I won't be hurt. It would be a lie if I say I never got hurt, but I NEVER let myself to love anybody more than myself (apart from my mother and siblings) but people outside, friends especially, I'm sorry to say, I love myself above you. And I guess that is why I rarely been bogged down if a friend suddenly 'dissapeared' or people don't like me. Because I know nobody would love me like I do, so why bother?

Back to this friend's story, I told her to be strong, she has kids that depends on her. Some other day she will loss appetite and will not be eating after an overnight argument with the 'man'. In the end she and her poor baby will suffer. I tried to remind her to be strong, women are not supposed to rely on men to make them happy, we must make ourself happy. I sort of said something like this to her.. ...

"I know that it is hard, you are husband and wife, he is the father of your kids, but you must be strong, you must not let him determine how you feel, you must take care of yourself, nak-nak lagi ada yang dalam perut tu. The baby will count on you to take care of her, the 'man' don't give a damn. If anything happens, he will surely blame you, so you have to be strong, insyaAllah, Allah is with you.."

The man is egoistic, she said that he told her, if ever you are feeling oppressed, zikir, solat sunat, Allah will help you (pandai kan nasihat orang?) and when my friend did all these and still feels depressed, he said nampak sangat Allah tak sayang my friend. How can he say that, you guys imagine, a woman, pregnant, + kids at home + busy with work, suddenly the husband main kayu tiga with some young chic, hati siapa tak hancur? And he is so bold making that kind of statement.

So again to stress my stand. Do not ever love anybody more than you love Allah, your mother and yourself. I pray the best for her.

p/s: I know some people would give me this statement, ko senang la cakap, ko tak kahwin lagi, cuba dah kawin tgk macam mane?
my answer would be, I learnt from others' mistakes, and I would be a fool if I still repeat what others do, not to say I know everything, am learning at the same time, but I always prioritise myself above anybody else (except my mother) insyaAllah I'll be fine.


  1. i don't give a shit about polygamy, and i think ur fren should get a divorce!!! why allow other people to hurt you like that? when that useless scumbag is a stupid jerk!!!

  2. u know what, ur entry reminds me of what happened to my second cousin. i wrote abt it sometime lepas raya last year. u can read it here:

    the difference is the hubby married the other woman (so bermadu laa ni) and they look like one big happy family (or so it seems). ahhh men! when do the decent ones go?

  3. shin loo: we told her that too, but i guess she has her own judgement to stay with him, anyway, whatever it is, i hope the best for her.
    footnote: polygamy the real ISLAMIC way, i damn HARD, big, HUGE responsibility, if only these men know what they are getting themselves into, they would not even dare to think about it..

    dieya: read and sad, what more can a woman to make the man keep to one wife, serious, with all these, i thought it only happens in drama, apparently life is drama... good guys? all taken, that is one thing that i'm sure off.

  4. same happen to my friend..old man wit young chick..da worst part is..the wife n young chick both are my friends..
    when i knew the realy surprise..n come this young chick can kaco2 other's marriage.
    that old man is not rich..not even handsome..but is blind..
    i told the wife to be brave and take divorce as her last resort..


“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you." ~ William Arthur Ward...

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