Midlife Crisis

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

What is midlife? When is midlife? I guess it depends on the life expectancy. I never really gave much thought of this....Until yesterday.

I was in this meeting, scheduled for a whole day. Its an Onshore Asset Process Safety Health Review. Saja tulis nama penuh, bukan uolls paham pon..hahahaha... And I am pretty damn sure I no longer have people from my company reading this blog. This meeting is meant to be held annually, the experts of each Safety Critical Element (SCE) are supposed to report out the status of their barrier. They would take inputs from various day-to-day activities and determine the health of the elements, rated as Red, Yellow (they call Amber here) and Green. My team was responsible to one SCE that is not part of our day-to-day activities, regardless, we still have to report as well. My teammate was the one doing the presentation. My boss requires all of us to sit in the meeting throughout, as we are the Process Safety Team.

I still consider myself a rookie in the whole of Upstream business and its in my best interest to sit in, listen, and take in as much as I can. So there I was, attentively sitting in, listening, processing what I heard and computing the logic, challenging (in my mind) on some of the findings. At one point, I was so engrossed that I think my head hurts a bit (maybe). Then it hits me, is this what I really want to do?  I was cracking my head to understand all of these things, whereas, I could easily cracked my head thinking of a business plan. Lately, I have been toying with the idea of opening up a cafe. Not now, but when I am back in Malaysia. I even thought of the concept, the menus, and random thoughts pops up here and there in my mind since I have been thinking about this.

pic credit to Google

It then bags the question again, do I really want to do this? For now, sadly, its not about what I want, its more of what I need. I have come to an age where I start to question my decisions, exploring whether am I satisfied enough on what I have today. I would be a much happier person if I can start my cafe business now, but then again, I don't have the means. Not yet. I still love my job though, the challenges that comes with it, the vast experience here, which to me is priceless! I don't want to leave this place, not yet. I am not ready to walk out (or is it I don't dare to walk out?). The audacity to venture into the real world out there, taking personal risk, is not there yet.

I am turning 34 this year. One more month to my birthday. What have I accomplished at this age? Not much actually, I am yet to settle down. Or am I destined to live like this? With no place to feel fully grounded. I'll be a constant wanderer. Back to midlife, Malaysian's life expectancy is estimated to be at 73-74 year of age. Which then makes the midlife at 36-37 years of age. So, theoretically I am not there yet, but spiritual and mentally, I am there.

A friend shared an article on her FB page. Its about what we 'childless' women are appealing to the moms out there. I can connect well with the article, very well. Can read more here.

Just yesterday, I was thinking of midlife and today I see this article. Sigh.......  Nothing much I can do for now. There are 'makcik' type of people here in the camp, making all these remarks. I have developed a skin thick enough to just brush off all of these, both on marriage and kids. Period.

There it is, I am having my first ever midlife crisis..hahaha... If you want to know more of the health statistics with regards to Malaysia, you can go here.

Until next time, wassalam.

Kehendak Perkhidmatan

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

The phrase above always comes up when I was serving as cadet back during ROTU days. We sometimes need to do things that we don't really want to do, but because the it comes with the job, we just have to do it.  I guess it happens everywhere, regardless what position we are being put in. Yesterday, I started another lesson. After much deliberation, talking to people, giving so much thoughts and going against my initial stand, I finally did it.

I am taking up Golf! Seriously. I have thought about it before, but that was just me trying to get my hands to anything, nothing serious. The game itself requires a lot of investment. You can't simply play golf anywhere, you need to belong to a club, and those membership a simply preposterous. The golf set will burn a hole in your pocket and not to mentioned, you need a pro to teach you. Its not something that you can pick up by watching YouTube.

So why did I decided to go against my stand? Well...... Its for my future actually.Golf is a universal networking tool. Golf enthusiast would really play for the game itself, but for most of the people (me included) its mainly a platform to expand your network. I realized right from the very beginning networking is not my forte. I can easily clicked with colleagues, but when it comes to people outside of the department, most of the time I failed miserably. At this day and age, jobs availability is so scarce, you need to have connections in order to secure one. Being a female in a male dominated industry can works both ways, depending on how I play my card. So I really need to draw this one card now, the golf card. I would rather keep the football card to myself, as I really don't like the way some guys discussed football and that is one of the things that I am passionate in, so I will address it my way.

As for golf, I'll go with the flow. To be honest, I am not that ambitious, I am not aiming for those high level jobs. I am just trying to survive my day to day job. I need this for my own survival. I can't loose this career, as I have no fallback. I don't have a husband to take care of me, so I need to take care of myself. This is a strategic move. I wish I have a simpler life, but then again, its not my choice. I've been put in this position, and I have to deal with it.

I know this is the right move, but I just hope I can follow through. InsyaAllah. 

Si tú lo sabes, dime cómo?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

Lately I fall into trap of telenovela. Its actually the 'best' way to kill time. You get stuck on certain series, and as useless as it may seems, you just get sucked into it. I've watched some and got hooked on a few.

Somehow this one haunts me. Not because of the story, neither for the actor/actresses. As usual, my Achilles heels is the soundtrack. Sangat weh...berhantu betul, first it was just the chorus, now, the obsession grows to listening it on loop at work, at home...gosh!!

The only plus point for this is I took the advantage to improve the almost non-existent Spanish vocab that I have..

Now where is that A Puro Dolor mp3....? Hahhahaha....