Deactivated

 Assalamualaikum w.b.t, 

Weeks has passed, and I didn't get to have my birthday meal as planned, managed to make bagels (8pcs) and I still have one bagel in the fridge. Made pulao and chicken tikka masala few days later, it was ok, but I think the chicken dish was a flop, taste wise its ok, but nowhere close to the standard of tikka masala. 😛.

I did bought the whole BR ice cream cake, but only managed to eat it 2 weeks later, because I've been swamped with desserts from friends and barely managed to finish anything on my own. It was distributed to neighbours and the kids as well. 

That's that for birthday. What happened since then? Covid situation actually gotten worse in Kedah. Malaysia received 14 million doses of vaccine in July but somehow I don't see significant progress in the vaccination program in this state. I see friends posting up vaccination pictures and good for them. Major effort in KL and Selangor to ramp up the vaccination rate, while few states like Kedah are left in limbo. I've yet to get my 1st dose appointment here, and that has caused me to be a very negative and a very bitter person. VERY. I've not felt this prolong negative feeling ever. On the day of Arafah, when people are sharing all kinds of prayer, I found myself crafting hate message to post in my IG story about these whole vaccination thing. 

My doa on that day was for Allah to take away all these hate and resentment that I feel. Logically I can accept how things are, the prioritization over other states, the slow progress etc. From a sane mind, I accepted all that, but deep down inside I feel so hurt, sakit hati to the point I can't understand it. 

And I realized that once you think you are in bad position, don't look at the people that is doing better than you, look to those that is having it worse, as you could also be in that position. In another word, appreciate what you have right now, its a blessing in its own way. It could've been worse. 

So in order to stop myself from looking at the people who has it better, I decided to deactivate my IG. Tak payah tengok. Habih cerita.  So its only been a few days, and I can't say that it has helped me tremendously, but I guess it helps a little bit. While the whole vaccination progress is totally out of my hands, I can still choose to pick what I see and what stays on my mind. 

I even thought of deactivating my FB, and would have done it already had it not been for the 3 groups that I am currently following. Haish....

As days goes by, I am thinking of deleting my current IG account altogether. Maybe I log in one last time to copy all the saved recipe and then be done with it. 

I may create a new IG and only follow really important people sahaja. We'll see. I may change my entire plan altogether. Entahlah. 

For now, I am not in a good place. This hate and resentment is still piling up and I am having a hard to time to let it go.

I hope it will subside soon. I really do.

Till next time. Wassalam.