Love - What, How?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

This is just too good that I could not wait to go back and do the translation myself, I will, but in case I forget, let me just post it here first.

An email a friend sent in 2009. She joined multiple muslim matrimony sites and stumbled upon a profile and this is what the guy said.

"Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. 

When you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. 

Realize how they could also love you back just as well. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). 

If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally. 

Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you, do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way. 

Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing."

At that time, I doubted my ability to love somebody else, and I think its still the same case now... gosh... I still haven't changed, have I?

Voy a España!!

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

My leave has been approved and therefore, insyaAllah voy a España en Disiembre!!

Por lo tanto, voy a practicar mi español en este blog, a partir de hoy. Esto es usar el traductor de google, pero te prometo, a partir de mañana, voy a escribir por mi cuenta. Nos vemos más tarde España !!

Wassalam..

Secret Admirer?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

For the past few days, I have been strolling old emails to screen through any good job that I have done which worth mentioning in order to complete my technical assessment. And somehow or rather, I stumbled upon many many personal emails. I group my emails by date, not by topic, hence all work related and personal emails are in the same folder.

I realized I am not the same person, say 5-6 years back. I think I was better then. Somehow, I have declined, in terms or my inner peace. This morning I found this, forwarded by a friend 6 years back.

Secret Admirer?
Saya bertanya kepada emak, "mana satu pilihan hati, orang yang sayangkan kita atau yang kita sayang? "

Mak jawab, "dua-dua bukan.."

Saya tercengang..Mak mengukir senyuman.

"Pilihan hati mak adalah yang sayangkan kita kerana Allah.." Saya menarik nafas dalam-dalam.

"Macam mana nak tau orang tu sayang kita kerana apa?" Mak diam sekejap berfikir dan kemudian tersenyum.

Rasanya mak dapat menduga apa yang sedang bermain dalam hati anak perempuannya. Mana mungkin saya mampu menyorokkan rahsia hati dari mak sedangkan sekilas saya pun mak mampu membacanya. "Yang paling tahu hanya Allah.." mak merenung dalam-dalam wajah anaknya. "Kerana hanya Allah mampu membaca hati hambaNya.. " mak menyusun ayat-ayatnya. "Dan keikhlasan kerana Allah itu akan terserlah keberkatannya tanpa perlu sengaja ditonjokan oleh seseorang tu.."

Saya memintas, "Tak faham.."

Mak menyambung "Cinta di dalam jalan Allah.. Bertemu kerana sama-sama mencari redha Allah.." Mak menyambung lagi, "begini, setiap insan yang bergelar manusia telah Allah ciptakan berpasang-pasangan. Rasa ingin dikasihi antara seorang suami dan isteri suatu fitrah. Automatik boleh ada daya tarikan magnet tu.." Wajah saya merah, sedikit cemas jika mak dapat mengesan gelora jiwa muda ini.. Mak menyambung "Setiap manusia telah Allah tetapkan rezeki,jodoh dan maut sejak azali lagi..Persoalannya ialah.. Siapakah jodohnya itu?" mak berhenti seketika. Saya tunduk malu, cuba menyorokkan rasa panas di pipi. Emak buat-buat tidak nampak.

Secret Admire

"Kakak, mak dulu masa besar ada secret admire.. Rajin betul dia hantar surat..Masa tu mak dah tahu yang bercinta sebelum kahwin ni tak halal..Dan masa tu mak tekad tak mahu layan sebab mak takut arwah tokwan kena seksa dalam kubur.. Mak sedar mak anak yatim, anak orang miskin, adik beradik ramai.. Mak nak belajar sungguh-sungguh.. Lama budak tu tunggu mak.. Akhirnya mak bagi kata putus, mak hanya akan membalas cinta dia jika dia sah suami mak.. Dan dia memang bukan jodoh mak, maka tak pernah dia menerima balasan cinta tu." Mak merenung jauh. Saya merapatkan badan kepada emak, semakin berminat dengan kisah lama mak..

"Mak memang tak ada perasaan lansung pada dia ke?" saya menyoal sambil memandang tajam wajah mak. Emak ketawa kecil. "Walaupun mungkin ada, mak tak pernah bagi peluang pada diri mak untuk mengisytiharkan perasaan tu.. Mak takut pada Allah. Mak bukan seperti rakan sebaya mak yang lain.. Mak, seperti kakak.." mak memandang saya sambil memegang pipi dan dagu saya. Kemudian tangannya mengusap rambut di kepala saya.

"Mak anak ustaz ustazah.. Tapi zaman tu ustaz ustazah nya masih berkebaya pendek dan ketat. Tok wan mak kiyai. Mungkin berkat doa keturunan sebelum ni yang soleh-soleh, hati mak tertarik sangat pada agama walaupun tiada sesiapa yang mendorong.. Bila di sekolah, mak pelajar pertama yang bertudung.. Mak membawa imej agama. Kawan-kawan dan cikgu-cikgu panggil mak dengan gelaran mak Aji.. Sebab zaman tu hujung 70an dan awal 80an tak ramai lagi yang bertudung betul menutup auratnya..Zaman tudung nipis dan nampak jambul. Kemudian kawan-kawan mak sikit-sikit ikut bertudung. Akhirnya kami semua dipanggil di perhimpunan. Kami dimarah guru besar kerana bertudung sedangkan ustazah kami bertudung tapi nampak jambulnya.." emak melemparkan pandangan ke lantai. "Selepas tu ustazah jumpa kami secara persendirian. Ustazah kata dia tak mampu nak pakai seperti kami. Dia suruh kami teruskan.." sambung emak. Ada getar di hujung suara emak. Kisah silam perjuangan emak di sekolah dahulu sikit-sikit emak ceritakan pada saya. Itulah juga salah satu inspirasi kepada saya untuk bangkit semula setiap kali terjatuh ketika berjuang di sekolah dulu.

"Mungkin kerana personaliti mak, mak menjadi tempat rujukan kawan-kawan mak.. Jadi, bila mak nak ambil sesuatu tindakan, mak kena fikir betul-betul sama ada tindakan mak tu akan menyebabkan Allah marah atau tidak. Mak ayah berdosa tak? Dan maruah pembawa agama terjejas tak? Kalau mak membalas cinta si lelaki tadi, bermakna mak sedang menconteng arang di muka-muka pembawa-pembawa agama. Orang akan pandang serong terhadap orang yang bertudung sedangkan kesilapan tu hanya seorang dua yang buat. Besar fitnah akan timbul apabila orang-orang agama mengambil ringan batas syariat duhai anak.." mak menelan air liurnya. Saya diam. Fikiran saya sedang cuba memahami maksud mak saya.

Adakah ia suatu diskriminasi?

"Kakak.. Jatuh cinta perkara biasa. Apabila kita jatuh cinta pada seseorang, itu tandanya ada sesuatu keistimewaan pada seseorang tu. Apatah lagi orang yang kita jatuh cinta tu di atas jalan dakwah ni..Tetapi kita kena ingat.. Kita tak akan dikahwinkan dengan seseorang atas sebab jatuh cinta atau saling cinta mencintai.. Bercouple mungkin.. Tetapi bukan berkahwin.. Kerana kita berkahwin dengan jodoh kita, jodoh yang Allah dah tetapkan sejak azali.. Dan tak mustahil orang yang kita paling benci itulah jodoh kita yang kita akan dikahwinkan dengannya.." Tiba-tiba air mata saya mengalir. Argh! Ego saya kalah bila mendengar hujah emak. Emak meneruskan, "Allah itu Maha Adil.. Dia tak pernah menzalimi hambaNya..Sesungguhnya, yang selalu menzalimi hambaNya ialah diri hamba tu sendiri.. Sebabnyam hamba tu degil. Dia mahukan yang bukan haknya, yang bukan milik dia. Mencintai seseorang tidak semestinya memilikinya.

Dalam Islam, kita dah diajar untuk saling mencintai antara satu sama lain seperti diri sendiri.. Jadi apabila kita mencintai saudara perempuan, kita bebas peluk dia. Tetapi bila dengan lelaki, kita ada batas-batasnya. Orang kafir kata batas-batas ini suatu diskriminasi, tetapi sebenarnya batas-batas syariat itulah yang memelihara kehormatan seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan. Cuba kakak renungkan, kita mengenali seorang insan yang amat baik, sempurna agamanya dan rajin. Lalu kita jatuh hati padanya. Ditakdirkan jodohnya dengan insan lain, kita pula dengan yang lain.. Tetapi itu tidak bermakna ukhwah antara kita dan dia terputus.. Kita dan dia sama-sama mencari redha Allah.. Kita dan dia masih boleh sama-sama bekerjasama untuk mencari redha Allah.. Perbezaannya, dia halal untuk isterinya sedangkan untuk kita, dia tetap lelaki ajnabi seperti yang awalnya." emak berhenti seketika..

Bukan luar biasa

Tentu kering tekak emak menerangkan kepada saya persoalan hati ini. "Kakak.. jadi di sini mak nak kakak faham, jatuh cinta bukan perkara luar biasa.Dan berkahwin pun bukan suatu jaminan untuk tak jatuh cinta pada lelaki lain.. Kerana itulah ramai isteri yang curang, suami yang curang.. Ada orang tukar pasangan macam tukar baju. Apa yang penting ialah kita kena perjelaskan pada diri kita supaya setiap kali kita jatuh cinta, jatuh cinta itu kerana kita jatuh cinta kepada Pencipta dia. Kita bagi tau pada diri kita berulang kali yang kita mencintai Allah, kerana itu kita mencintai si dia. Letakkan Allah sebagai sempadan hati kita, segala perkara yang kita cintai dan sayangi termasuk mak abah adalah kerana mencintai Allah.. Dan apabila kita membenci seseorang atau sesuatu, beri tahu pada diri sendiri berulangkali yang kita benci sekian-sekian hal kerana Allah semata-mata.. "

"Kakak.. Hati kita ni walaupun dalam dada kita sendiri, ia tetap bukan milik kita. Kita tak mampu untuk mengawalnya.. Hanya Allah yang boleh memegangnya.. Sebab tu kita kena dekatkan diri dengan Allah.. Sebab kita nak dia pegang kukuh-kukuh hati kita. Bila dia pelihara dan masuk dalam hati kita, itulah nikmat lazatnnya bercinta. Masa tu biarpun satu dunia menyakiti kita, kita tak rasa sakit sebab kita asyik dengan nikmat bercinta dengan Allah..Bercinta dengan Allah sangat berbeza dari bercinta dengan manusia. Kerana tentulah pegalaman bercinta dengan lelaki kaya,rupawan, sempurna dan bijaksana tak sama rasanya bercinta dengan lelaki miskin, hodoh,cacat dan dungu.. Betapa nikmatnya cinta Allah, hanya mereka yang pernah merasai sahaja yang mampu mengerti. "

Redha

"Kakak.. Walau siapapun jodoh yang Allah hantarkan untuk kakak, terimalah dengan hati yang redha.. Tak mustahil dia adalah orang yang kita benci. Kalau yang kakak sayang, tak jadi hal lah.. Tapi kalau dapat yang kakak tak nak, lantaran kelemahan yang ada pada dia, ingatlah bahawa dalam diri setiap insan telah Allah ciptakan dengan kelebihan masing-masing. Dan mungkin kakak ada kekuatan yang dapat mengubah si lelaki tadi supaya hidup dia bermakna dan mungkin kakak sahaja yang mampu mencungkil kelebihan yang ada pada dia.. Mungkin juga si lelaki ini ada sesuatu kelebihan yang kakak sangat-sangat perlukan yang satu dunia tak mampu bagi pada kakak.. Alangkah bertuahnya kakak kalau kakak mengerti setiap pemberian Allah dan belajar untuk bersyukur.. " Sekali lagi berjuraian air mata saya turun. Terasa lemah lutut hendak berdiri.

Emak menarik tubuh saya dan memeluk erat. Pelukan emak sangat-sangat kuat. "Emak dah didik anak emak dari belum lahir untuk mencintai Allah.. Sekarang emak serahkan anak emak yang mak sayang sangat ni pada Allah untuk Dia pelihara.." Emak mengakhiri kata-katanya dengan suara sebak dan air mata yang mengalir ke bahu saya.

I need this now more than ever, thank you Allah, for guiding me back right this very moment when I am straying from your path.

Redha, regardless what is the end result, what I do now will be accounted for in the akhirat, as it is, I have countless bad deeds, is it worth to add more to it just because my heart says so? I don't think so.

Ish...!!

A: I went to choir practice last night, and when I came back I saw the whole area was dark
B: What choir is that?
A: Oh its just choir, there will be concert next week
B: Oh....
A: Its not like church choir or anything like that
B: *dumbfounded

B don't understand why A needs to explain or elaborate that its not a church thing. B feels like giving A a hug for that explanation, concern sangat B salah faham (really?). Hehehe...

Take Care Will Ya?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Last night was a bad night. I had dinner at ~6pm and everything was fine. While trying to finish the latest book that I bought, I kind of dozed off. Suddenly around 10pm, there was a surge of chills, the hair on my arms risen. I don't feel good. Within minutes, my stomach was growling, it feels like there's turbulent happening there.

Last time I had the same symptom was quite a few years back, I knew then there were too much gas and seriously it was not comfortable at all. I lied down for quite sometime, I did nothing, in hope that it will just eased up. But boy was I wrong. It got worse, now its going up to the head. I dragged myself to the kitchen. I had the maid cut off all the ginger a week back (a delayed attempt to make ginger candy). Took out some and boiled it.

I drank half glass of it, and instantly I knew what was coming. The whole dinner just eased themselves out to the toilet sink. It was disgusting, I was like in some kind of horror movie. I had probably a good 5 minutes of gagging at the toilet sink. I suspected not all came out. When things are better, I finished the ginger water, and tried to get some sleep. I tried to fill up my stomach, but to no avail. I was tossing and turning, halfheartedly hoping the remaining would come out so that I can get a good night sleep. It was excruciating. Well, I maybe exaggerating, but seriously even menstrual pain could not give me that kind of discomfort.

Tracing back, I think its the canned sardine that I ate that has caused me the whole episode. I can't remember when I cooked it. Living alone here, I have picked up a habit of storing the leftover in freezer, same case for the canned sardine. Its just that this time, I think I moved it to the fridge when I was going to London. We always have occasional power trip and my house are the few that always get impacted. It may be the case the power was lost and whatever inside the fridge started to go bad. The freezer, I am not so worried, that is because the remaining ice could still provide temporary chilling and only if we totally lost the power for 2, maybe 3 straight days, then only I have to start throwing everything away.

I have not told a single soul about this, wanted so much to tell somebody, but somehow the words just doesn't come out. I have became a very private person. I hate it that I don't have 'tempat mengadu.' I am not comfortable with anybody yet to a point I can call them in the middle of the night in case I have some problem. Or the person will be first to know these kind of things that happened to me. Darn, its so hard to build a relationship at this age, or maybe its just me? Whatever it is, for now I have to endure this on my own. I could not tell my mom, she'll freaked out, definitely, and that is not good. I only have Allah as 'tempat mengadu' and probably this blog..hahaha..

Hadith of the day:
Abu Hurairah also reports that Allah's Messenger, peace be upon him, said: "For every misfortune, illness, anxiety, grief, or hurt that afflicts a Muslim -even the hurt caused by the pricking of a thorn - Allah removes some of his sins." Ibn Mas'ud said: "I visited the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, while he had a fever. I exclaimed: 'O Messenger of Allah! You have a high fever! ' He said: 'My fever is as much as two among you [might have]. ' I asked: 'Is it because you have a double reward?' He replied: 'Yes, that is right. No Muslim is afflicted with any hurt, even if it is no more than the pricking of a thorn, but Allah wipes off his sins because of it and his sins fall away from him as leaves fall from a tree'."
Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 4: Sickness, Expiation of Sins

Hopefully last night's episode did expiates my more than Mount Everest sins. InsyaAllah.

Till next time, wassalam. 

Ada Apa Dengan Cinta - Mini Drama AADC 2014 (Love Life Line)

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

Pak Anton shared this with me, knowing about my craze on filem Indonesia :)

Gosh....kenangan lama, memory flashes back, not that I have these kind of 'cinta' to begin with, but this movie was such a turning point for movie goers in Malaysia and Indonesia both. Even my malay guy friends were crazy of this movie.

The best part is, the commercial used the soundtrack from the original movie in 2002. I super love Melly's music. Sangat melancholic gitu...

Just got back from my London trip, second time for this year, who would have thought kan...? hahaha.. Still in postpartum depression mood. Banyakla post partum, beranak pon tidak.. Holiday withdrawal syndrome to be exact.. :D

Till next time, adios, wassalam...