This

We've not been talking much for the past few months. Our relationship has been off and on. I can't even remember when was the last time I sent anything to him.

Somehow today, he just out of the blue shared the podcast that he was listening to, just to create a conversation. Me, being the kayu as I always am, didn't really handle it well. Basically it was not a smooth flowing conversation, like always.

But regardless how it went, this feelings that I feel when he made the move (I can only guess his intention..) is indescribable. This feelings is nice, and if I'm not careful I can easily get carried away. It was nothing to him but I always tend to read into things.

This feeling is beautiful, that moment is beautiful. Maybe I am exaggerating things....but I don't get to feel this feelings every day. I just hope that I will be able to feel this again with someone that is halal for me. I really do.

Cerai

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

I am so sorry that this blog has become an outlet for me to express all the negatives feeling that I have been having. Here's another one today. I found no other positive way to channel my frustration, so tinggal blog ni ja.

A friend has just broke the news that she is no longer living with her husband, they have separated for 3 months now. She apparently fall in love with another guy. (worst thing that could happened in a marriage..!) I noticed her FB feed full of pictures of her going out with another man, but her kid is with her, at that time I felt uneasy and suspected something but didn't have the nerve to ask for details. She once made a remark that I was too outspoken and maybe some of the things I said to her has hurt her, which I totally have no intention to. So when I see these kind of things happening, I hold back my opinion, for I know she will not be able to accept what I would say.

We are in a whatsapp group (who isn't nowadays?) and since she has been keeping mum about the whole thing, I tried asking in the group how is she doing? Then the news come. She is going to file her divorce in court. She said she no longer can live with her husband, she still did not give much details but the part where she has somebody else is clear. She admitted it. She even said that she don't think she can live without this new guy. I am shocked. I didn't expect it to go that far.

How can you fall out of love with someone that you choose to be married with? Its sad.. I don't really know how it feels to fall head over heels on someone. I had feelings, I like Kim for example, but I know that I can live without him, I liked one guy in uni,deep in my heart I still like him, but I don't go chasing after him after we both graduated. But the thing is, I can never fall out of love with these guys, maybe I can if they treated me badly. I know the husband, not very well, but I think I know enough to make a judgement of his character. He loves her, and he is not capable of finding someone else. He has not been hostile to her (not that I can see). She is the dominant one in the relationship. Apparently they (both husband and wife) have been talking to another good friend, and they have seek for advises, but my friend, she just don't want to be married to her husband anymore.

I guess every couple are being tested like this at some point. You will see someone else as being better than your spouse, but the key is I guess to remind yourself back why you love that person in the first place, why did you choose to get married, it is for better and for worse. If things goes sour, shouldn't you work on resolving it? I don't know how much they have worked to save their marriage, maybe there are some internal issues that she is not willing to discuss and being keeping it to herself all the while and now its too much to bear already, maybe. Allah knows best.

I just hope that this somebody new can give her the happiness that she is looking for. I hope this new guy is not just taking advantage of her. I really hope so. May Allah guide her to do whats best for her and her kid. May Allah protect us all....