Salam Ramadhan 1436H

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

Rata-rata orang sibuk post menu berbuka. This is my first lonely Ramadhan ever. Last year I welcomed the holy month in Brazil, together with geng Cik Kiah, in the midst of World Cup hype. It was fun, but this is the first time I am all alone. Its the sixth day today, and lets do some re-cap of what was my iftar menu looks like :)

Day 1: I was onsite, lived in a house boat, so makan ja la apa depa bagi, I had rice, fried fish, kari telur (gaya depala), boleh tahan, and raw cabbage with raw carrots, onions and cucumber. I asked for vegetable, but they don't have it, so I asked for salad, to them, that is salad.. hahaha...

Day 2: Got back from site, reached home around 6.30, whereby the Maghrib is at 6.45. I knew I would be late, so I called my nanny asked her to cook me some rice, chicken and some vegetable. I called her at 5pm. When I got back, the chicken was still thawing...aiyo... nasib..nasib.. Last-last pukul 8.30 baru makan nasi.

Day 3: This was the most fun day. We had the progressive dinner planned and I nominated my house for dessert. Starter at one house, main course at another and last stop was my house. The house placement was done by the organizer. We were given direction at each step of the way, basically you don't know what you are getting, until you reached the house. It was kind of interesting. We can afford to do that since we are all living in the same area. My main course was at Madam Sandra's house and she teamed up with Icy, a Pinoy ladies, both of them cooked up a storm! Ada kari ayam, daging masak hitam, buttered prawn, mixed vege (yes, our kind of mix vege..hehehe). I really enjoyed it. Masa nak balik Madam Sandra siap bagi tapau lagi . The daging and udang is still in my fridge.

Last stop was my house, I hosted another group, I served pulut mangga (mango with glutinous rice) with basil and lime sorbet. I included the sorbet on the pre-text that the pulut mangga would be too sweet and rich. Konon pandai la sangat nak balance the flavour. Sekali, mangga tu masam daa... Tak berapa nak manis. So jadila dessert yang masam, apa kes? The pulut mangga was not a hit, cos I definitely miss the mark with the sour mango, but surprisingly, the sorbet stole the show. The guests loved it! Recipe from Jamie Oliver taken from Food Network page. Here is the link.

Day 4: Had some nasi impit with kuah sup and bakso. Hasil tapau from Bu Evi's party the previous weekend. Since its a Sunday, I was a bit rajin, I made some kuih cara berlauk and gave out to other Muslims in the camp. Bu Evi juga dapat, suka bangat deh rasanya :)

Day 5 : Again, had another leftover from Bu Evi's party. A rice dish made by maybe one of the Lebanese ladies. I taught my nanny how to stir fry pucuk manis, the way I like, and I finished up 2 pieces of baked chicken that has been sitting in the fridge for quite some time. I can't remember when I made that.

Day 6: This morning saw an email from Madam Latha. She offered some food for my iftar today and she's even sending some for sahur tomorrow morning. Alhamdulillah! Rezeki murah betul...

Almost a week into Ramadhan, and I have not slaved in the kitchen for even a day to prepare a complete meal. Syukur sangat-sangat. Well, even if I am cooking, at most I will cook some rice, stir fry pucuk manis (paling senang in the world!) and lauk mostly whatever I have frozen in the freezer or the fridge. I still have few servings of frozen pajeri nenas, serunding toksah cakap la..ada ja lagi..

So yes, I am alone, sedih tu ada jugak, but the blessing is, my iftar dish is not complicated at all. Masa kat PD, pusing bazar ja dah setengah jam, yet, every day kena decide nak beli apa..hahaha... I actually have more time for other things. So this year, kena habis khatam Quran okeh? banyak sangat Allah dah mudahkan, kenapa nak kufur nikmat? Ok, InsyaAllah I will.

Salam Ramadhan semua, wassalam. Till next time :)

Politik Parti Sosial

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

I've been wanting to write about this for the past few weeks, but somehow my laziness gets over me (alasan!).

Here, in the camp, we have limited people that we interact with. You will see the same people on weekdays and weekend. You will also see the same set of people in the bus ride to work. If you are involved in the normal routine activity like fun run, you will see the same group of people, maybe occasionally we have visitors joining the run, but normally its just us.

Last few weeks, a Dutch guy threw a farewell party for himself. His party is all about booze, dancing, free-mixing, so its a clear cut no for me. At these parties, music are always very loud, you can barely hear each other and I am not really a party person. Somehow, Kim decided to throw a get together at the same time as well, but his invite is only to selected few people, whereas the Dutch guy invited the whole camp. I knew from earlier on, some of the Brits were not keen on attending the Dutch guy's party, not sure whats the reason. Most of Kim's guests are the Brits, and I was actually the only Asian invited. He later then revised the invite and extended it to Pak Anton, which I was pretty much sure that Anton would go to the Dutch guy's party.

True enough, I ended up being the only Asian at Kim's house, with the rest of mat and minah saleh (mix of English, Canadian and Australian). I left his house around 11.30 PM while the rest were majority still there. The following day, I had a lunch date with the Asian gang, one last Nasi Lemak session before Kak Rosiah left us for good. And from Anton, I found out that some of them at Kim's house, including him later attended the Dutch guy's party. It must be at midnight then. Crazy white people..hahaha...

The things is, its normal in a community, you tend to have few cliques. Suddenly its all back to high school. Though we are not really different in terms of social status, but we do have some group of people that we tend to be more comfortable with. I know some people that is totally out of my path. There is this two couples, only the husband acknowledge me, i.e smiles when we passed by each other, the wife, simple cast that empty look whenever I'm around. One of the couple frequently attended the fun run, and in that juncture, somehow the wife realized that I existed! Once I was 'established' to her social circle, she no longer gave the cold treatment. The other couple which are still here, no change, I bet they don't even know my name. Well, suit them, I am here to be friends with those that are willing. Pinggan tak retak, nasi tak dingin, orang tak hendak, kita pun tak ingin. :)

I guess it happens everywhere, but the fact that we are confined to one place, makes all these even more apparent to us, well, at least to me. Last year, during my raya open house, I invited quite a handful of people, Some just ignored the invite (maybe they did not read their email). I stopped sending invite to those kind of people. Social gatherings are being held almost on constant basis and one time during the fun run, I overheard them (the mat saleh) talking about a dinner plan at the restaurant, and guess what, one of them forwarded the invite to me later. Its a nice gesture, but declined it. This is not the first time Kim had a get together at his place, only this is the first time I was invited and attended. So does that means, I am now in another circle of social network? Maybe. Its political actually, with no clear mileage, maybe for the sake of future job and acquaintances..

Whatever it is, I need to stay true to myself. I won't go to events that made me uncomfortable. But my fear is, for this year's raya open house, I will have to invite more people. Well, maybe not, it will be during the summer holiday, so maybe not many people will be here .. hahaha.. (kedekut!)

Till next time, wassalam..   

Midlife Crisis

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

What is midlife? When is midlife? I guess it depends on the life expectancy. I never really gave much thought of this....Until yesterday.

I was in this meeting, scheduled for a whole day. Its an Onshore Asset Process Safety Health Review. Saja tulis nama penuh, bukan uolls paham pon..hahahaha... And I am pretty damn sure I no longer have people from my company reading this blog. This meeting is meant to be held annually, the experts of each Safety Critical Element (SCE) are supposed to report out the status of their barrier. They would take inputs from various day-to-day activities and determine the health of the elements, rated as Red, Yellow (they call Amber here) and Green. My team was responsible to one SCE that is not part of our day-to-day activities, regardless, we still have to report as well. My teammate was the one doing the presentation. My boss requires all of us to sit in the meeting throughout, as we are the Process Safety Team.

I still consider myself a rookie in the whole of Upstream business and its in my best interest to sit in, listen, and take in as much as I can. So there I was, attentively sitting in, listening, processing what I heard and computing the logic, challenging (in my mind) on some of the findings. At one point, I was so engrossed that I think my head hurts a bit (maybe). Then it hits me, is this what I really want to do?  I was cracking my head to understand all of these things, whereas, I could easily cracked my head thinking of a business plan. Lately, I have been toying with the idea of opening up a cafe. Not now, but when I am back in Malaysia. I even thought of the concept, the menus, and random thoughts pops up here and there in my mind since I have been thinking about this.

pic credit to Google

It then bags the question again, do I really want to do this? For now, sadly, its not about what I want, its more of what I need. I have come to an age where I start to question my decisions, exploring whether am I satisfied enough on what I have today. I would be a much happier person if I can start my cafe business now, but then again, I don't have the means. Not yet. I still love my job though, the challenges that comes with it, the vast experience here, which to me is priceless! I don't want to leave this place, not yet. I am not ready to walk out (or is it I don't dare to walk out?). The audacity to venture into the real world out there, taking personal risk, is not there yet.

I am turning 34 this year. One more month to my birthday. What have I accomplished at this age? Not much actually, I am yet to settle down. Or am I destined to live like this? With no place to feel fully grounded. I'll be a constant wanderer. Back to midlife, Malaysian's life expectancy is estimated to be at 73-74 year of age. Which then makes the midlife at 36-37 years of age. So, theoretically I am not there yet, but spiritual and mentally, I am there.

A friend shared an article on her FB page. Its about what we 'childless' women are appealing to the moms out there. I can connect well with the article, very well. Can read more here.

Just yesterday, I was thinking of midlife and today I see this article. Sigh.......  Nothing much I can do for now. There are 'makcik' type of people here in the camp, making all these remarks. I have developed a skin thick enough to just brush off all of these, both on marriage and kids. Period.

There it is, I am having my first ever midlife crisis..hahaha... If you want to know more of the health statistics with regards to Malaysia, you can go here.

Until next time, wassalam.

Kehendak Perkhidmatan

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

The phrase above always comes up when I was serving as cadet back during ROTU days. We sometimes need to do things that we don't really want to do, but because the it comes with the job, we just have to do it.  I guess it happens everywhere, regardless what position we are being put in. Yesterday, I started another lesson. After much deliberation, talking to people, giving so much thoughts and going against my initial stand, I finally did it.

I am taking up Golf! Seriously. I have thought about it before, but that was just me trying to get my hands to anything, nothing serious. The game itself requires a lot of investment. You can't simply play golf anywhere, you need to belong to a club, and those membership a simply preposterous. The golf set will burn a hole in your pocket and not to mentioned, you need a pro to teach you. Its not something that you can pick up by watching YouTube.

So why did I decided to go against my stand? Well...... Its for my future actually.Golf is a universal networking tool. Golf enthusiast would really play for the game itself, but for most of the people (me included) its mainly a platform to expand your network. I realized right from the very beginning networking is not my forte. I can easily clicked with colleagues, but when it comes to people outside of the department, most of the time I failed miserably. At this day and age, jobs availability is so scarce, you need to have connections in order to secure one. Being a female in a male dominated industry can works both ways, depending on how I play my card. So I really need to draw this one card now, the golf card. I would rather keep the football card to myself, as I really don't like the way some guys discussed football and that is one of the things that I am passionate in, so I will address it my way.

As for golf, I'll go with the flow. To be honest, I am not that ambitious, I am not aiming for those high level jobs. I am just trying to survive my day to day job. I need this for my own survival. I can't loose this career, as I have no fallback. I don't have a husband to take care of me, so I need to take care of myself. This is a strategic move. I wish I have a simpler life, but then again, its not my choice. I've been put in this position, and I have to deal with it.

I know this is the right move, but I just hope I can follow through. InsyaAllah. 

Si tú lo sabes, dime cómo?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

Lately I fall into trap of telenovela. Its actually the 'best' way to kill time. You get stuck on certain series, and as useless as it may seems, you just get sucked into it. I've watched some and got hooked on a few.

Somehow this one haunts me. Not because of the story, neither for the actor/actresses. As usual, my Achilles heels is the soundtrack. Sangat weh...berhantu betul, first it was just the chorus, now, the obsession grows to listening it on loop at work, at home...gosh!!

The only plus point for this is I took the advantage to improve the almost non-existent Spanish vocab that I have..

Now where is that A Puro Dolor mp3....? Hahhahaha....

Dah Terlanjur...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh....

These past few days, I've been seeing desperate individuals reaching out to collect some cash. These are the people running few orphanage in KL area. I have no qualms in giving, but the questions is until when? We have a cyclic problem in our society. Come Ramadhan, people showered all these orphanage with all kinds of stuffs, and they are left forgotten for the rest of the year.

And the people in these orphanage, they meant well, but they don't have the survival sense sometimes. Many NGOs in Malaysia are banking on people's donation, which is definitely not sustainable by any means. And when it comes to times like this, they will be having overdue payments for many things, house rent, petrol, etc... One lady was on the verge of being evicted because of these over due.

I came from a poor family, but no matter how little money that we had, Mak made sure that we will have no overdue on rent, and other utilities. We would go on for some days without proper food. I still remember one day, I wandered around the back road towards Flat Sri Sabah, hoping to find any tapioca, or any plant that I can take home and cook. We were that poor, but I always remembered Mak paying the bills on time, no late payment whatsoever.

I've had this dream of building a self sustainable orphanage. And my ex-boss always say, if you want to do a charity, pick a high CEP charity. CEP stands for Current Estimated Potential, to cut the story short, get into a charity that is sustainable. As the saying goes, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.". Right now I have so many ideas for these houses. The kids are all physically well, surely there must be something that they can do.

How I wish I am in Malaysia right now. No doubt, here I earned big bucks, and I do give some to them, tapi sampai bila? I will not earn like this forever. Once I am no longer an expat, I will have limited resources to share with them. Therefore I am thinking of kicking off a self sustained project with these people. But the problem is, I need to be physically there to at least pull something together.

Sometimes, I just want to pack and leave, there is not much that I can do here, apart from transferring money, which to me is only temporary help. I am in too deep with my commitments to just walk away now, from my work. Countless times that I have thought of leaving and set up my own business, be independent, countless times!. I love my job, don't get me wrong, it pays good money, I have no complaint. But in the end, is it all money that I want? Surely there is more to that.

I am now slowly settling my debt. By the time I am done with my 4 years assignment here, hopefully all the home loans are settled, and maybe if I am careful enough, I might save some capital to start my own business. I hope I have the strength to venture into the independent world outside. InsyaAllah.

Till next time, wassalam...

I am tired...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh...

At the point I am writing this, I just got back from a quick trip back home again. When I was in PD, I used to go back once a month, and yes, it was tiring. Last year, I only went back once, and somehow I felt guilty. So this year, I made a commitment to travel back more often. This long distance relationship with my family is not well managed yet.

I don't know which one that is more tiring, physically or emotionally. Have yet to find out.

That's it, nothing more to say. Sekadar nak luah perasaan. Tak leh nak luah kat mak, nanti mak risau, nak luah kat sini, takda sapa la pulak...nasib badan :)

Wassalam.